Monday, 3 September 2012

Day 31: Self-forgiveness on being responsible for my creations - part 1

For context read this blog post. Here I share self-forgiveness on points that I have found within that post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hang with people in order to get valiation from them about how great I am and smart and special, instead of realising that this need is stemming from my deeply ingrained inferiority that I have accumulated in my mind throughout my life by thinking that I am somehow inferior to others because I am fat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am inferior to others due to being fat, instead of realising myself as equal to all other human beings and not allowing my mind to persuade me that I am less than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed into the system of feeling inferior to others and wanting them to prove me wrong, instead of remaining here in breath as an equal to other beings and directing myself with common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a system of inferiority to others which I compensated for with superiority through knowledge and information in conversations with other people.
When and as I see myself wanting to be superior to others in conversations, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is stemming from my inferiority for being fat and having to prove myself in other ways, thruogh knowledge and information.
When and as I see myself feeling inferior and less than others due to having a fat body, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into inferiority, instead I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/define/perceive people that I see/perceive failing to apply self-forgiveness effectively as failures.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a failure and be angry at myself, when/as I see myself not being effective, instead of remaining here in breath and investigating the point at hand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have someone that I could talk to about process openly and without limitations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have someone who sees what I see, so that I could talk to them about it, instead of realising that I am wanting to talk about it from an ego perspective of validating myself with 'what I see' and within that I would be perpetuating the shit that I have been doing in system conversations, playing energetic ping pong, only on a slightly different topic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be praised for 'what I see', instead of realising this ego point about myself and releasing it.
When and as I see myself wanting to be praised by other people, I stop and I breathe. I investigate the point and release the trigger with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push and persuade other people into applying self-forgiveness, because I want to fix this world as soon as possible so that I could enjoy myself afterwards for a while before I die, instead of realising how I am separating myself from myself and enjoyment and fun through fear of not being able to enjoy myself and have fun in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from enjoyment and fun by fearing that I will not be able to have fun in the future due to the ammount of work that I have to do, instead of realising that I have defined work as not fun and within that made another dimension of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive work as the opposite of fun and within that give the word 'work' a negative connotation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fun and enjoyment as the opposite of work and within that give the words 'fun' and 'enjoyment' a positive connotation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from fun and enjoyment within desiring to have fun and enjoyment in the future and not realising that I can have fun and enjoy myself with whatever I am doing here in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become dependent on other people in order to have fun and enjoyment, instead of realising that I am fun and enjoyment, no matter who I am with or not with and no matter where I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive sitting, smoking and talking to other people within the desire to get validated by them as fun.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive being validated by other people as a smart and insightful individual as fun.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be validated by others as an insightful individual because I perceived it as fun.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fun as feeling superior to others and more than them and feeling better than 'usual', instead of realising that I am not real within this inconsistency of experiencing myself differently at different times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the need/wish/want/desire to fix this world as soon as possible, instead of realising how I am separating myself from myself and the world with this desire by going into a mind dimension and not remaining here in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive/define my world according to the 'rule': fun comes after work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of having too much work to be able to have fun, instead of realising that there is little to no physical difference within what I do for work and what I do for fun, as both imply sitting at a computer and typing and/or talking to people and/or breathing, walking, being here, and that all differences that I perceive are only definitions of the mind.
When and as I see myself desiring to have fun, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am separating myself from fun because of some definition of the mind, therefore I investigate the point and release it with self-forgiveness, and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to help everyone and save everyone in this world, instead of realising that no one can save anyone, everyone can only save themselves, and this desire of mine is coming from a desire to be superior to others and feel special and more than them within helping them, and such help is not an act of equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to help others and 'save' them, instead of realising that I am separating myself from them as equals, because me 'saving' them implies me being more than them and superior to them for being able to save them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to validate myself as a good person within helping others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for others to perceive me as a good person in order for them to like me and help me in the future, instead of realising how I am feeding into yet another survival construct of the mind within doing so.
When and as I see myself wanting others to perceive me as a good person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is coming from a survival construct within my mind, therefore I investigate the point and release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
When and as I see myself wanting to be perceived by others in a certain way, I stop and I breathe. I investigate my starting point and release trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a 'saviour of the world' character, within which I want to save this world and everyone in it, so that I could have some peace and quiet and be praised as a saviour.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be praised as one that saves the day, instead of realising that this is a superhero pattern that I have picked up from television.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed by television and accept within myself the desire to separate myself from other human beings by having supernatural powers and/or being a hero of the people.


Part 2 tomorrow.

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