Day 109: Wanting others to solve my problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward and not know what to do/reply, whenever someone is sharing their personal data with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to help the person with advice, whenever they share their personal data with me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to reciprocate by sharing some personal data of my own in order to create equilibrium between us, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel inferior and less than, if I cannot think of a way to help the person, and I will feel superior and more than, if I perceive to be able to help the person with sharing advice or my own personal data with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to help someone that is sharing their personal problems with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to reciprocate by sharing personal problems of my own, in order to create equilibrium between us and not make the person feel bad for sharing something within which I perceive that they feel inferior and less than and lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to share my personal problems with other people and within that hope that they can help, support and assist me, instead of realising and understanding that I am abdicating my own self-responsibility and transferring it onto others and the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share my personal problems with other people in order to get direction from them as to what I am supposed to do to solve my problem, instead of realising and understanding that I am abdicating my self-responsibility onto them by sharing my problems with them and resonantly looking for their advice and direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope/want/need/desire for other people to fix my problems, instead of realising and understanding that with this behaviour I have manifested the situation that I am in today, because there is no one else that is and can be responsible for my life decisions and choices but me.

When and as I see myself looking for solutions within other people by wanting to share my personal data/problems with them, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within an automated mind polarity construct, within which I will abdicate my self-responsibility by wanting others to help me solve my problems/solve my problems, and will abdicate my self-direction and self-responsibility to HOPE that they will be able to do so, and will feel inferior to them and be thankful to them and feel indebted to them, and on the flip side I will feel superior and more than to people whom I perceive to have helped with their problems. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to share my personal data and problems with other people with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards solving my own problems within full awareness of my self-responsibility.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all points of desiring for other people to help me and solve my problems, and stop wanting to share my personal data/problems with them in hopes of them solving my problems, because I realise and understand that this sort of behaviour has manifested the global system of abdication of responsibility as it is today, hence the manifestation of politicians and authority that are 'called' to be the problems solvers for other people, instead of everyone directing themselves towards sorting out and solving their/our problems.

Day 108: Reactions when playing games

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and frustration with myself, whenever I do not pull off a move while gaming, instead of realising and understanding that I am angry, because I want to impress people with my skills, and when I fail, I get angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have mad gaming skills, and become frustrated with myself, whenever I make a mistake when gaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated, whenever I die in a game, instead of realising and understanding that I am being energetic about something that is not real, physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with other players and blame them for having failed at a game, instead of realising that I am participating within the classic abdication of self-responsibility that I am trying to avoid and get rid of within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with the games that I am playing and use them as part of my self-presentation factors, instead of realising that with this I am supporting my mind as ego within validation and search for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up in games to the extent of losing my awareness and becoming completely lost within the world of the game, instead of breathing and remaining here and being aware that I am only playing a game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use games in order to run away from reality, myself and my responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to make myself feel better and forget about my responsibilities, thinking, believing and perceiving that everything will be ok and that my responsibilities and problems will sort themselves out, instead of realising and understanding that with that sort of attitude I have rendered myself into the position that I am today.

When and as I see myself wanting to run away from reality with gaming, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am trying to run away from my responsibilities and hoping that my problems will take care of themselves, thus I am no different to an addict that runs away with drugs/alcohol. Therefore I release the starting point of wanting to run away with games with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards solving my problems first and then having fun with games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to challenge myself with games and want/Need/desire to be the best at gaming, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within self-judgement and self-validation and I am competing against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive gaming as fun, instead of realising and understanding that gaming is of the entertainment industry, designed specifically to keep me occupied with myself and enslaved in time so that I would never stand up for what is best for all.

When and as I see myself having emotional responses and energetic experiences with gaming and loosing or winning, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not in fact having fun, but am competing with myself and others, therefore I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and breathing and self-corrective application stop and remove all points of competition that I have when playing games, because I realise and understand that competition within games is the same competition that makes this planet unfriendly to Life.

Day 107: Feeling uneasy around other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel relieved, when I am left alone and/or alone with my partner, when my flatmates  leave the flat, and feel freer and less limited than when they are in the flat, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bothered, constricted and limited, when all my flatmates are in the flat, because I believe/perceive that I cannot be myself and I cannot act the same when they are in the flat as when I am alone (with my partner) due to social paradigms and rules of behaviour and modes of conduct, instead of realising and understanding that when I in front of other people act differently than when I am alone, I am participating within an ego construct, where I am trying to uphold an image of myself that is not real, which I have built up in order to be accepted and appreciated by society - my superego character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel limited due to not being able to walk around the flat naked, because I think/believe/perceive that others will judge me for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/perceive/define walking around the flat naked with other people present as unseemly, unsocial and something that is not done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel limited and constricted when I have to pass my flatmates/other people on my way to the toilet, because I think/believe/perceive that I have to acknowledge those people every time I pass them, because I have accepted and allowed the belief in me that not saying hi and not acknowledging people/my flatmates as I pass them is rude and inconsiderate. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to acknowledge and talk to my flatmates, whenever I pass them, instead of realising and understanding that this is part of my social program of politeness, which I have built up in my early childhood, when my parents were teaching me the basics of politeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define politeness as positive/good/superior, instead of realising and understanding that by participating in politeness, I am separating myself from other people by perceiving/defining myself as superior/more than for being polite. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think/perceive that people who are not polite and do not have the upbringing of 'politeness' that I have received from my parents, are inferior and less than. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that farmers (boeren) are impolite and therefore inferior, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being perceived as impolite and therefore inferior by others, if I do not acknowledge them and greet them every time I pass them/meet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy, whenever I pass my flatmates or meet someone I know without greeting them and being polite to them and listening to them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressured to greet and be polite to my flatmates/other people when I pass them/meet them by stopping and talking to them, instead of realising and understanding that I am generating this feeling of uneasiness and constriction within myself, and can easily overcome it with self-forgiveness and breathing and being here.

When and as I see myself feeling constricted and uneasy and pressured around other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my mind constructs of social behaviour, which I have generated a long time ago, therefore I investigate myself through writing and release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, not allowing myself to participate in my self-created limitations of politeness.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my perceptions/beliefs/definitions of how I should behave around other people, because I realise and understand that by wanting other people to perceive me in a certain way, I am participating in the separation into classes that has been haunting humanity since forever, I am trying to make myself appear superior, well behaved and well brought up, which is a consequence of wanting to please my parents and wanting them to be proud of me.

To be continued.

Day 106: Feeling proud of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of myself and feel superior, positive and more than, whenever I perceive that I have nicely verbalized a common sense argument, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within competition with myself and others in proving myself as being a good/the best conversationalist, not realising and understanding that I am actually participating within a mind polarity construct, where on the flip side I will feel inferior, negative and less than, whenever I perceive that I have not verbalized an argument well. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hear what I perceive as good feedback to my arguments and get a 'pat on the back' and get praise and approval from my conversation partners, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind pattern that I have built up a long time ago, when I accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get approval and appraisal from my parents, and consequentially I built up a polarity construct, within which I would feel positive, more than and superior, when I would perceive to be praised and approved by my parents and surroundings (professors, friends, family, strangers) and would feel inferior, less than, negative and bad, whenever I would perceive to not be getting approval and appraisal from my parents and surroundings.


When and as I see myself feeling proud of myself and wanting/needing/desiring to get approval and appraisal from my surroundings for verbalizing an argument, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity ego construct, within which I will talk from the starting point of making myself feel positivity, which I will create through generating a perception within myself of my own superiority, thus ignoring equality and disregarding all that is here. Therefore I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in equality with all that is here in breath and make sure that there is no energetic movement within myself, when I speak.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application with breathing stop and remove all feelings of pride within myself and all needs/desires/wants for approval and appraisal when I speak, because I realise and understand that by accepting and allowing those energetic movements to influence my self-expression, I am compromising myself by participating within ego and feeding my mind energy to exist as ego, and am therefore not standing for what is best for all, but am acting in self-interest.

Day 105: I'm awfully grumpy in the morning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be grumpy and bad-mooded in the morning, because I have connected and associated mornings in my mind with going to school and later going to work, which I didn't enjoy at all. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out that bad mood and unhappiness onto and towards anyone and everyone that stands in my way in the morning - the closer the people are to me, the more I would be grumpy towards them, and as for people whom I consider to be less close to me, I would only have negative and spiteful thoughts about them, which I would verbalize towards/with people who I consider to be closer to me, instead of realising and understanding that I have just woken up from sleeping, which rejuvenated and rebooted and energized my mind, and I am participating within my mind's morning grumpiness construct, within which I would hate the whole world in the morning and feeling forced to do things that I do not enjoy doing, like going to school and going to work.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and despise going to work and going to school, and therefore in the morning hate the world and the way it is set up, instead of realising and understanding that my anger and hatred towards the world and the system in the morning will not help or impact the situation, but will only further my own enslavement to my own mind, as I feed it energy through participating within negativity, frustration and inferiority as helplessness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define going to work and going to school in the morning as slavery that I do not enjoy, and perceive myself as a victim of the system for having to go to school to get an education and having to go to work to earn money for my survival, instead of realising and understanding that with these perceptions and definitions I am only furthering my own enslavement to the mind by participating in negative perceptions of these aspects of life, which I would then want to compensate for with positivity through entertainment after school and work, thus even more furthering my own inability to stand up within myself and stop and remove the system from within myself and stand and work towards creating an existence that will be best for all.


When and as I see myself being grumpy and bad-mooded in the morning, and looking for a victim to take that bad mood out on, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that my mind has rejuvenated and rebuilt and rebooted and upgraded itself through sleeping, and that I am participating within a very energetic pattern of hating the world due to having to work for my survival, and wishing/wanting/needing/desiring to be able to not have to work for my survival in a job, but could enjoy my life by doing what I would like to do and what I enjoy doing. Therefore I release the trigger point for my grumpiness through writing and self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to fall back into the pattern of grumpiness, because I realise and understand that this is not me, it is only a mind program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless, helpless, sad and angry in the morning, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within these emotions, I am victimizing myself and abdicating my self-responsibility. 


When and as I see myself feeling negativity in the morning, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's search for energy, within which I can abdicate my self-responsibility and blame everything and everyone else for the way I experience myself, therefore I release the trigger point of the negativity with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective application stop and remove all my grumpiness in the morning, and remove my 'morning grump character', because I realise and understand that I have built this character to compensate with superiority as anger for the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness that I accepted and allowed myself to feel in the morning due to perceiving myself as a victim of the system.

Day 104: "I am more aware than you"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have nothing to talk about with my flatmates, friends and family, instead of realising and understanding that this perception is due to me perceiving/defining myself as superior to them in terms of 'knowing more about this world', and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as superior to other people, because I perceive and define myself to have more knowledge and awareness about the world and the state of the world as it is.


When and as I see myself perceiving myself as more knowledgeable and aware of the situation in the world than other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel positive, superior, more than and good, whenever I perceive myself to be more aware of the situation of the world and the human condition, and I will also feel frustrated because of perceiving that I cannot freely communicate about the state of the world and the human condition to people whom I perceive to be less aware of those concepts than me, because then I cannot validate my ego through talking about it, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, less than and negative and bad, when I perceive myself to be less aware of the state of the world and the human condition within communication with people whom I perceive to have walked more process than me, and so I will shut down and be afraid of open communication with them due to my fear of proving myself as less effective than them, thus sabotaging my self-expression due to my self-judgment. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern through writing and self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop and remove all perceptions of my own superiority and inferiority towards other people in relation to my awareness of the state of the world and the human condition, because I realise and understand that those perceptions and definitions are polarities of the mind, and when I participate in them, I am powering my mind as ego. 

Day 103: Desiring to communicate with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to my partner, whenever I see and perceive that the results of his process are not as advanced as my own, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed and resentful and angry and frustrated with my partner, because I think/believe/perceive that I cannot have self-honest communication with him. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have self-honest communication with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that I am looking for a point to connect with my partner by talking about process, within which I would make myself feel superior and more than for having a special self-honest connection with my partner, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a relationship mind construct, within which I am longing to have mutual points to talk about with my partner.

When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to have mutual points to talk to my partner about in self-honesty, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by wanting this, I am participating within a mind polarity relationship construct, within which I will feel positive, more than, superior and good, when I perceive that I can connect with my partner in self-honest communication, and will feel negative, less than, inferior and bad, whenever I see and perceive that I cannot have self-honest communication with my partner and that my partner is incapable of self-honesty. Therefore I release the point of desire for communication with my partner, and direct myself towards doing my own process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my partner as unable to be self-honest, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, resentful, frustrated and angry, whenever I perceive my partner as unable to be self-honest, instead of realising and understanding that by defining and perceiving him this way, I am putting myself in a superior position and participating within an ego polarity construct, where I will perceive myself as superior to people, whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty, and will feel inferior and helpless and like my hands are tied, when I communicate to people whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty and will thus participate within the "I'm incapable of communicating to them" backchat, not realising and understanding that I am limiting myself in self-expression, because I am afraid what people, whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty, will think about me, and I will perceive that I cannot self-honestly communicate with those people, because they will not reciprocate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed and frustrated and angry and feel limited, whenever I perceive that people whom I'm communicating with are incapable of self-honesty, instead of realising and understanding that I am still somehow defining myself with their reactions to my communication and I am being afraid of what they might think, therefore I will compromise myself by not speaking.

When and as I see myself defining/perceiving other people as not self-honest, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this projection is coming from a point within, a desire for them to be self-honest so that I could be self-honest in communication with them, and I realise and understand that this point itself is not self-honesty, as it is coming from a desire to communicate with other people about stuff that I want to talk about, therefore I release the point what I want to talk about with self-forgiveness and discuss it with myself and clear it with myself, and afterwards direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all needs and desires to communicate with others, because I realise and understand that these desires are a consequence of me not having communicated the points I want to communicate about in self-honesty with myself and have not cleared the points within myself, therefore I will through writing and self-forgiveness clear the points within myself and direct myself with common sense.