Saturday, 30 June 2012

Day 4: Fighting and spitefulness in relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to spite my partner when breaking up by not giving him money, taking money from him to spite him, or hide money from him so that I would feel better about myself for "being left".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself, to feel like a failure, inferior and less than, because my partner wants to break off our agreement to be with someone else.

Yesterday, when we fought, I hid the key so that he wouldn't be able to leave the apartment, but stay and cool himself down, which of course resulted in the opposite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of being abandoned, whenever I have a fight with my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prevent that fear of abandonment from manifesting by trying to calm my partner down, whenever we have  a fight.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my partner's emotional possession, where common sense cannot be heard, and I am powerless to convey it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with my partner, whenever he doesn't want to stop fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue fighting with my partner, instead of realising that I am fighting, because I want to prove that I am right, which is ego.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that fighting always happens to me, when I want to prove that I am right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove to my partner that I am right, whenever we fight, instead of realising that it does not matter whether I am right or not - what matters is my stability within myself - which is not dependant on other people thinking/knowing/confirming that I am right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and compete with my partner in terms of "being right".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight with my parter in order to prove to myself that I am right by having him confirm what I am saying, instead of realising that we are both in such a mental state, and as such are causing friction between us, as each wants to prove to be right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause friction between my partner and I, by wanting to overpower him in a fight and have him admit and confirm that I am right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use emotional manipulation to get my partner to admit and confirm that I am right in the fight that we are having.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate with money, and threaten to not contribute money to our mutual funds, to get my partner to confirm to me that I am right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards my partner, wish harm on him, and have violent and murderous thoughts towards him, whenever he doesn't agree with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prevent my partner from leaving the premise, because I am afraid of him not coming back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my partner from freely expressing himself, in order for me to be sure and secure that he will not leave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my partner leaving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my partner's anger towards me, and consequential leaving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure and frightened to stay alone in the future, whenever I had a fight with my partner.

Whenever I notice myself trying to prove that I am right to someone else, I stop, I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into an energetic discussion of being right and wrong. Instead I investigate my starting point, clear it with self-forgiveness, and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all in oneness and equality.

I commit myself to stop all conflict within myself and my world.

No comments:

Post a Comment