Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Day 184: Clearing my reactions to a clash with another person



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry, whenever I see/perceive that someone is trying to insult me or make fun of me in order to make themselves feel superior about themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with wanting to defend myself, whenever I see/perceive that someone is attacking me verbally, instead of realising and understanding that by not participating within the polarity fight, I keep my integrity intact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame, judge and hate people, who I see/perceive are trying to attack me verbally, not realising and understanding that by replying to the perceived verbal attacks, I am myself fuelling and participating in war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to talk to people and make myself feel superior to them, after I perceived that they've talked nasty and down to me, in order to save face, not realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of feeling inferior to them and wanting to balance it out with superiority as knowledge and information.

I talked to her and felt shaky and energetic. I was worried about how she's going to take it, and I didn't want the peace in the house to be compromised, so I would rather compromise my own words and not convey the message, than convey the message and risk falling out of grace with the girl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I am taking to someone about a subject that I perceive might hurt their ego, be worried about how they are going to understand and take my words, and be worried about compromising peace with that person, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather compromise my own words and convey the message in a way that I perceive as lighter or not convey the message at all in order to not fall out of grace with that person.

When and as I see myself being afraid of risking falling out of grace with someone, when I want to talk to them about something that I perceive might hurt their ego, and therefore start thinking that maybe I rather shouldn't do it, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that within doing so, I am afraid of the other's reaction by projecting onto them the way I myself would react to a situation like that, therefore 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with angerresentmentembarrassment and feel humiliated and attacked and afterwards start hating the person because I perceive them to be attacking my person, whenever someone points out a mistake of mine or behaviour that is not ok in their view, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, when other people point out what I perceive to be my flaws and what they perceive to be inappropriate action/words from my side, instead of remaining here in breath and allowing myself to look at the point in common sense without energetic reactions to it.

When and as I see myself taking personally whatever someone else is telling me about me and how they think of me, thus becoming angry, resentful, embarrassed and humiliated, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting because I have built up an energetic relationship in my mind to that person, therefore I release the trigger point and energetic relationship of thoughts and perceptions with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath with common sense and do not allow myself to go into an energetic reaction towards what was being said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I see/perceive that someone is being abusive and not doing what is best for all, be afraid to tell that person what I see due to being afraid of how they would take it, and be afraid of them thinking that I am compromising their integrity, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting onto them my own reactions to a same/similar situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my integrity is being compromised, whenever someone points out to me something that they perceive as me doing or saying things wrongly.

When and as I see myself reacting to words of people who are pointing out what they perceive I am doing/saying wrong and feeling like they are compromising my integrity, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that no one can compromise my integrity except myself, and that in the moment of reaction I am participating within my minds polarity construct, where I always want to be right, and feel good, superior and more than when I see/perceive that other people agree with me, and feel bad, inferior and less than, when I see/perceive that other people do not agree with me. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath with common sense and not allow myself to feel compromised by another, because I realise and understand that I am generating the feeling of being compromised within myself, thus I myself am responsible for it and cannot blame another for the way I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be overly nice to my flatmates in order for them to like me and for the sake of peace in the house, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather keep quiet about stuff that is bothering me then speak out and risk falling out of grace with my co-inhabitants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of telling people that they have to give me money for something or have to buy something, because I perceive that people will react negatively to having to spend money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively with annoyance, frustration, anger and resentment and fear of loss, whenever I have to spend money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to spend money due to my fear of not having enough of it in the future, instead of trusting myself that I can take care of myself and provide enough money for myself in the future in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard to let go of money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate spending money to losing money and safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the more money I have, the safer I am, instead of realising and understanding that I am equating safety with an intangible number, thus I am not trusting myself to be my own safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word safety by defining safety to be dependent on the amount of money I have, not realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility for my own physical safety onto money.

When and as I see myself being reluctant to spend money on something that I need due to fears of not having enough of it in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel safe when I perceive I have plenty of money, and will feel unsafe and compromised, when I perceive that I do not have enough of it. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath within common sense towards what is best for me in the context of best for all, not allowing myself to be directed and influenced by fear of losing money and with that safety.

commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic definitions of money, and I commit myself to stopping all my fears in relation to money, because I realise and understand that by participating within these thought patterns, I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility towards myself to be my own safety in every moment of every breath.

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