Monday, 21 April 2014

Day 185: Fear of the future


Lately the news about governments doing everything to stifle and inhibit the people has been getting to me. The news about the economic situation and complete lack of care for the life of humans in it has been getting to me as well. I became afraid of what might happen if my workload diminishes, how I will take care of myself in the future and how I will be able to stand up for what is best if I do not have the necessary living conditions to survive taken care of.
The memory that has been coming up is of my family moving to a new country into a new system - capitalism, where we moved into complete lack, so much so that we sometimes didn't have any food in the house. But there was always alcohol. Spitefulness towards my mother who was an alcoholic. I remembered now that I once bought her a liquor for birthday, trying to make her like me by fuelling her addiction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the economic situation in my country and the world might become so bad in the future that I might be out of options to take care of myself in a legal manner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate 'the economic situation in the world and my country becoming so bad that I could be out of legal options to take care of myself' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being stifled and inhibited by our governments and politicians and thus not being able to stand up for what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'being stifled and inhibited by our governments and politicians thus not being able to stand up for what is best for all' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the future in a negative way with fear of being inhibited and stifled by my government/politicians, instead of realising and understanding that with this fear I am in fact inhibiting and stifling myself into inaction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'the future and what might happen in the future' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that 'politicians and governments can stifle and inhibit their people from taking action', and to connect this perception/belief to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and resentment and fear, whenever I see/perceive that a government is trying to inhibit its people from taking legal action, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear politicians because I think/believe/perceive that they are more powerful than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'politicians' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the politicians will not want to give up their power without fucking the planet up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'politicians not wanting to give up their power' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of going into politics, becoming politically involved and voicing and standing for what is best for all, because I think/believe/perceive that politicians/government will do everything in their power to inhibit and stifle me, thus dig up dirt from my past and use it against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that politicians/government are going to try and dig up dirt about my past and use it against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'politicians/government digging up dirt about my past' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

When and as I see myself being afraid of being politically active, doubting that I can have any meaningful impact within politics and being afraid of people in politics digging up my past in order to stop me with it, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's limitation constructs where I am giving in to my ideas of participation within politics, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all and do not allow my fears to direct me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about/want/need/desire  to become a politician who would have an impact and would implement a change and would be cherished by all people and feel superior about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future within the context of me having to take political action in the future in order to manifest what is best for all, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of taking political action in the future and messing up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of making mistakes in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'making mistakes in the future' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making mistakes in the future to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise how I am inhibiting and limiting myself by allowing the fear of making mistakes in the future to exist within me.
When and as I see myself being afraid of making a mistake in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's construct of feeling bad and inferior when I make a mistake, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and not allow myself to inhibit myself with fear of making a mistake.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'making a mistake' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never take action, when I could have taken it, due to being afraid of making a mistake somewhere in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never take action, when I could have taken it, due to not knowing and/or not being able to control the outcome.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'the future' with the unknown and with me not having control over the outcome, which I connected to fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'the unknown future' and 'me not having control (over the outcome) in the future' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'being alone in the future' to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

When and as I see myself being afraid of being alone in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's relationship construct, where I need other people to define myself with, and at the same time I am abdicating my self-responsibility by wanting to have others live with me in order to not have to be absolutely self-responsible for myself in the future, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all and do not allow myself to be afraid of being alone in the future.

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