Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Day 213: The Middle of a Conflict




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, anxious and feel lost and trapped, whenever I perceive that I have little time and still need to work, but am not working due to some other activity I'm participating in.

When and as I see myself becoming emotional, irritated, anxious and feel lost and trapped due to perceiving that I am short on time, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not helping myself by being emotional, but am in fact wasting even more time by being emotional about it, therefore I commit myself to stay here in breath and do not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I have little time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like other people are wasting my time, and them blame them for it, whenever I talk to them while having little time to spare, and the conversation is not taking the direction that I want it to take, instead of realising and understanding that I am the one that chooses what I will be doing with my time and am therefore fully responsible for organizing it.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for 'wasting my time', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am fully responsible for arranging and organizing my time so I spend it as efficiently as I can, and by blaming others I am only trying to shift this responsibility onto them, thus I am taking my power over it away from myself. Therefore I commit myself to not go into blame towards other people for wasting my time, but direct myself in breath and prioritize my time with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless and hopeless, whenever I participate in a (group) conversation, where things seem to have slipped out of hand and a conflict seems to arise. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to yell at the participants to stop it, and think/believe/perceive that this is the only way to stop a conflict from happening. I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to resolve a conflict between people in a calm and civilized way.

I realise and understand that I would only be fueling the fire of conflict more by participating with yelling, therefore I commit myself to, whenever I see a conflict arising in a group around me, to ground myself with breathing and direct the conversation back to common sense with self-trust that I am able to do it.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance and want/need/desire to lash out at people and shout at them, whenever I perceive that I am doing everything in my power to resolve issues in a calm and civilised way, instead of realising and understanding that I am in that moment participating with superiority by thinking how calm and civilised I am, and am then being bewildered as to why it is not working, start feeling inferior and want to compensate for that by lashing out, thus taking a superior stance. This all is then my participation within and as ego that is looking for energy.

When and as I see myself becoming annoyed that my calm approach to a conflict is not working, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am only trying to appear calm, but am in fact participating within and as ego wanting to direct others and take credit for it's/my 'efficiency'. Therefore I commit myself to stop myself first, ground myself with breath and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all, thus I assess whether it is beneficial to all to keep participating in the conversation in that moment or not.

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