Day 191: Hippies. Hippies everywhere.

Yesterday I went to visit a friend who lives in a house where only vegan people live. I was greeted by a girl, and when I asked for her name, she told me some incomprehensible Indian multisyllabic tongue-breaker instead of her birth name. That immediately reminded me of my mother, who at some point in her life after encountering the Hare Krishna movement also started insisting on being called something Indian-sounding. I did my very best not to judge this girl based on my own personal experience with my mother, and I succeeded, but later we went to the garden, where I met another inhabitant of this house and his dog, whom he is feeding a vegan diet, and I lost my cool. I started speaking from reaction and said that this is animal abuse, with which I caused an equal and opposite reaction in him.

I've always had a negative attitude towards so-called hippies and their infatuation with Indian culture. I don't have anything against Indian culture itself, but people who try to mimic it here are a pain in the but for me. Whenever I encounter a hippie, I react with judgement, I am repelled by their programming. I want to challenge them and their beliefs, I want to break their program, I cannot stand them, I hate them. Here I will start dealing with and deconstructing this part of my personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to people I perceive as hippies, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to challenge them and their belief systems in order to break their illusion of 'love being able to fix all of world's problems'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive 'hippies' as a useless form of human beings that want to kumbaya this world into a better existence, which doesn't and has never worked, instead of realising and understanding that with this attitude I am putting myself in a superior position to them and see them as inferior to myself, therefore I am only perpetuating the fuckup of inequality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience myself as superior to people I perceive as hippies, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's construct, where I define/perceive hippies as smelly singing guitar-playing bastards and with this am making myself superior to them in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate hippies and react towards them with superiority and define/perceive them as inferior human beings for not being able to accept who they are and where they were born, and need to search for meaning of life in another culture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define the Indian scriptures such as the Bhagavat Gita and Mahabharata as an unscientific incomprehensible bunch of metaphors that only sound nice and leave everything to the imagination, and do not actually explain anything about this existence and humans within it, not realising and understanding that with these perceptions/definitions I am putting myself in a superior position to people who read this stuff and am perceiving them as a sorry bunch of losties who will grab anything that will give them solace and peace of mind and will relieve them of responsibility for their own lives, just like Christians do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start hating anything remotely connected to the hippie movement because I resented my mother for throwing herself into Hare Krishna and going to the 'temple' and working on reaching the 'transcendental sound', while she neglected her family and her motherly duties, which I then took upon myself and cared for my brother and sister instead of her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a victim of my mother who would rather not be home and not deal with her family and would rather go be with the Hare Krishna people, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start hating the Hare Krishna movement and hippies altogether and blame them for the fact that my mother didn't want to be home with me/us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start perceiving myself as a victim because I took over my mother's family chores, because someone had to do the household chores, not realising and understanding that I am trapping myself into a limited mind construct, where I would later blame my mother for everything that went wrong in my life because 'I had to do her work', with which I would then abdicate my full self-responsibility for myself and my life and directing myself in my life.

When and as I see myself reacting to people I perceive as hippies, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my own mind polarity construct, where I define/perceive hippies to be inferior to me due to not scientifically looking at the world, or I am subconsciously reacting to some memory of/with my mother that I have not yet cleared. Therefore I investigate and release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath with common sense towards what is best for all, not allowing myself to go into energetic reactions towards with perceptions of what hippies are and what hippies do.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic definitions, perceptions, thought patterns about hippies and all that surrounds them, because I realise and understand that when I react to hippies I am allowing and feeding energy to my mind as ego and am not being equal with what is here.