Getting my work
done by the deadline is extremely important to my boss, and is a vital part of
me getting paid for my work.
I've always
been one that is late. I've also always been one that promises to do something,
and then doesn't follow through. It's not that I wouldn't want to do something
I promised, it's a point of laziness (escaping reality) and wanting to enjoy
myself (escaping reality) rather than working, thus losing time and eventually
not being able to complete what I have promised.
I was
always late with my schoolwork - if I've done it at all. I always had
correctional exams at the end of the school year in high school, because I
didn't do the work during the school year (due to escaping reality - drunk parents, which became a
big source of excuses for me not doing in life what I'm supposed to do and what
is expected of me - by watching tv, reading books and comics), thus my
vacation was always tainted with schoolwork in high school. I've started
defining myself as lazy and tardy, and I exist in fear of never being able to
overcome this point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid
that I will never be able to overcome the point of being lazy and tardy,
instead of realising and understanding that with this fear I am justifying
myself as a tardy and lazy person and with this fear I am justifying why I do
not change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define/perceive/see myself as a lazy and tardy person, instead of realising and
understanding that with this definition I am allowing myself to not change this
point.
When and as I see myself being lazy and tardy and/or perceiving myself
as a lazy and tardy person, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that
by allowing such thoughts within me to exist, I am giving myself permission to
be the way I think I am, tardy and lazy. Therefore I release the trigger point
and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards
what is best for all, and I do not allow myself to perceive/define myself as
tardy and lazy.
I commit myself to stopping and removing all thought patterns of
laziness and tardiness, because I realise and understand that I compromise
myself with these patterns and do not allow myself to face my responsibilities
immediately, but put them off and procrastinate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel
resistance towards immediately dealing with my responsibilities and to rather
put them off for later.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use work as
an excuse to not deal with my responsibilities immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
perceive/define my work as my greatest responsibility, instead of realising and
understanding that I am hiding behind work from my other responsibilities,
which I do not want to face due to me defining them as a hassle, boring,
inconvenient and unpleasant.
When and as I see myself avoiding facing my responsibilities, and working
instead, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating
within my mind's construct, where I feel less bad about shunning my other
responsibilities in order to do work, because I define/perceive work to be very
important and I use it as a "good excuse" to not have to deal with my
other responsibilities in life. Therefore I release the trigger point of
wanting to avoid my responsibilities and I direct myself in breath towards
taking care of what I can in the moment.
I commit myself to stopping and removing my thought patterns with which
I hide behind work from having to face my other responsibilities in life,
because I realise and understand that by hiding from my other responsibilities
in life, I am compromising myself by piling up my other responsibilities and
creating unwanted consequences for myself.
I didn't do
my schoolwork, because I defined/perceived it as boring, as hard work. I didn't
take good notes in school, because I could never decide on the form and design
of the notes, on prioritizing with colours, even on the shape of my
handwriting. I changed it frequently to be similar to the handwriting of
schoolmates that I admired/wanted to be like. I thought that if I wrote like
them, and had nice notes and notebooks like them, I will be as effective as
them. (I always strived for perfection, and at the slightest sign of not being
able to achieve it, I would give up - which was almost always.) However, when I
got home, and had to deal with drunk parents and a moneyless broken home, I
lost all willpower to do schoolwork. I had it in school, and then reality
abruptly changed every day when I'd get home, and I'd go and watch tv in order
to isolate myself from this harsh reality, thus manifesting the ever present
lateness in my life.
I always
wanted to live up to my parents claims that I am special, better than others,
more than, superior, but through growing up I gave up on it and secluded myself
in my own little fantasy world with tv and reading and later computer games and
the internet.
--
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being late with my work,
and my boss yelling at me for being late, and threatening me that I will lose
my job.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being late with my
work and not completing it until the dead line to fear, and thus I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job because of
being late with my work.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being late with work
and losing my job because of it to fear, and thus I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing a constant source
of money if I lose my job.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect losing money due to
losing my job to fear, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to fear my own fear.
--
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about having fun and
about completing my tasks as soon as possible so that I can have fun, while I
am doing the work that must be done, instead of realising and understanding
that I am compromising myself by doing so, because I am wasting time by
thinking about having fun while doing the work, I am not fully concentrated on
my work, but am divided into separate dimensions of reality and future
projections of having fun in my mind, and so I am separating myself from all
that is Here and the task at hand, therefore rendering myself less effective
with the task than my full potential is. Within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to wish/desire that the work would already be
over/be over as soon as possible so that I could focus on having fun and not
have to worry about work.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive work as
something that I have to worry about and feel negative about, instead of
realising and understanding that I am compromising myself with these
definitions and energetic reactions towards work.
When and as
I see myself thinking about having fun and hurrying to get the work done as
soon as possible in order to be able to have fun afterwards, I stop and I
breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising the quality of my
work, because I am not absolutely concentrated on it, not fully being Here
while thinking about fun, therefore I release the trigger point and thought
pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow
myself to go into mind dimensions of wanting to have fun and wishing that the
work was already over.
I commit
myself to stopping and removing all definitions of fun and not fun, because I
realise and understand that by defining things as fun and not fun, I am
participating within a polarity construct of my mind, where I will gladly and
enthusiastically do things that I define/perceive as fun, and will create
resistance within myself/my mind towards doing things that I define/perceive as
not fun, thus separating myself from whatever I am doing.
----
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and
excuse about me having had a hard life and growing up with alcoholic parents
within communication with people I perceived as authority, whenever I didn't
finish a responsibility or whenever I wanted to avoid doing something that was
expected of me in the system, such as finishing school and having good grades.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for
having used excuses and justifications about having a hard life and alcoholic
parents in communication with people I perceived to be authority.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as
helpless and hopeless within the context of directing my own life into a
direction that is best for me within the context of what is best for all.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a
failure that is unable to direct my life in a direction that is best for me
within the context of what is best for all.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable with
defining/perceiving myself as a failure that is not able to direct her life
effectively.
When and as
I see myself looking for justifications and excuses for not doing something
that I know I should do/be doing, I stop and I breathe. I realise and
understand that by looking for justifications and excuses, I am abdicating my
absolute self-responsibility for directing my life into a direction that is
best for me within the context of what is best for all, therefore I release the
trigger point of looking for justifications/excuses and I direct myself in
breath towards completing the task at hand, and do not allow myself to trap
myself into inaction with justifications and excuses.
I commit
myself to stop and remove all justifications and excuses for not doing
something, because I realise and understand that I inhibit myself with justifications
and excuses from effectively directing my life into a direction that is best
for me within the context of what is best for all.
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