Day 201: Reacting to being asked for help

A woman, our neighbour, came knocking on our door the other night. It was after 10 pm, and when I opened the door, she asked for help from the boys in our apartment to help her carry furniture from her car to her place in the second floor. She was accompanied by another woman, who waited next to the car. I was very much annoyed by this. I thought it was highly irregular and inappropriate to simply ask for something that people otherwise pay money for. After she saw the annoyed look on my face, she offered to give the boys money for beer afterwards. I said that I would ask, and in that thought that it is the boy's responsibility to either help or refuse to help. Within this I see that I was feeling responsible for something that wasn't my responsibility, for how the boys will answer. I was afraid that they might also react with laziness and would only reluctantly help in order to not be seen as unhelpful and impolite, which is my own projection of myself onto them.
I called the boys together and they helped, but I myself went into justification of my annoyance. "If they hadn't come so late, if they had come beforehand and asked for assistance, not just like this in the given moment... - I wouldn't have been so annoyed." As I was doing that, I was also aware that had I been in their place, I'd have wanted assistance as well. And when my friend told me that the other woman was pregnant, I felt ashamed that I was so unaware in that moment of annoyance and frustration that I completely missed that. I also went into blame. "How dare they simply assume that we will be there at their service whenever they damn well please, they probably think that they can take advantage of students, that they won't say no to a pregnant woman."

Truth is that they were in a situation where they needed help, and due to my reactions I was completely unable to put myself in their shoes, and even went into justification why I cannot. I realised that night how much money interferes with us, human beings, being unable to assist and support each other without expecting anything in return, how money makes true kindness and compassion impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to help, whenever I am asked for help, and to react with fear that I will not be liked if I refuse to help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is impolite to refuse to help someone, when they are asking for help, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people who do not want to help others/me as impolite and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance, frustration, resentment and anger, whenever I am asked to help with something without the possibility of getting anything in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should always get something in return whenever I do something for other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always feel indebted to someone who did me a favour or helped me with something, no matter how small that something is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within myself connect and equate doing something for other people, where I spend my time and effort to do so, with money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect money or a favour in return, whenever I do something for other people where I spend my time and effort to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted, whenever someone is asking me to do something for them without offering anything in return.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into spitefulness towards people who ask me for favours without promising something in return and allow myself to participate within backchat of "how dare they think that I am here at their disposal".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate my time and effort that I put into something with money, and want/need/desire to get money for things that I do for other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted when I am asked to do something that would take up my time and effort without being promised money or favours in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate and connect my time spent on doing something for other people to money, and think/believe/perceive that whenever I do something for other people, I am owed either money or their time as favours they should do for me in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy and uncomfortable, whenever I am asked by other people to do favours for them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to say no to them without feeling like an impolite and inconsiderate person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is impolite to refuse to help someone, when they ask for help, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should always be helped, whenever I ask for help, and to define/perceive someone who doesn't want to help me as inconsiderate and rude, and then blame them and judge them for apparently making me feel bad, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am abdicating my self-responsibility for the way I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad, whenever I refuse to help someone, and go into fear that they might not like me for it. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be ready to help someone just for the sake of being liked by them, not realising and understanding that in this way I am opening the doors to being abused/taken advantage of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of people, whom have helped me in the past by relying on them that they will always be there to help me again, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am abdicating my self-responsibility to take care of whatever I can take care of alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into resentment towards other people asking me for help in order to justify my own feelings of not wanting to help them because I am feeling lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into laziness, whenever I am asked by others for help, instead of putting myself in their shoes and assessing whether they really need my help and then helping them accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into justification as to why I shouldn't and will not help someone who asks me for help, instead of realising and understanding that had I been in their shoes, I might have wanted help as well.

When and as I see myself reacting energetically to someone asking me for help without promising something in return (with annoyance, resentment, being insulted and feel like I'm being exploited, anger, frustration), I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment now allowing myself to assess whether it is common sense to help this person and helping accordingly, and I also realise and understand that by expecting something offered in return, I am playing into my mind's and this world's money construct, where I will only be satisfied and 'happy to' spend my time and effort if I get promised or given something in return, thus I am not seeing myself in the being that is asking for help and am separating myself from them, myself and all that is here by participating within this mind construct. Therefore I bring myself back Here with breathing, I assess the situation with common sense, help accordingly and commit to write out and remove with self-forgiveness any kind of energetic reactions that might have come up within me.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my energetic reactions towards being asked for help by other people, because I realise and understand that those reactions are a consequence of my mind's patterns and this world's patterns about money and debt, money representing the time and effort put in to do something, and by participating in those patterns I am in my mind separating myself from myself and all that is here and am unable to see myself in another.

Day 199: How I cracked Buddhist mysticism and learned to Stop Desire

Almost everyone with a Facebook account has seen this one, right?

Sounds commonsensical, right? You simply remove the ego and desire, and all of a sudden you are a happy camper.
What this little illustration fails to explain is just how one removes the ego and desire. Even the Buddhist monks and scholars do not know how to explain that one, otherwise Buddhism would have worked, and we would all be happy campers living in a world of peace. But we are not.

I'm sure many people will say that one has to meditate on it. But meditate on what? What exactly is one doing in meditation? Looking at one's own mind. And/or trying to clear it. But what is one looking at, and/or trying to clear, when one does not even know how the mind works? What conclusions and realisations does one come to through meditation? The ones that his "teachers" have told him to come to. Screw that. It is not real, because one has not actually come to any conclusions; one is at best pretending to understand the knowledge one was told by "teachers", who are pretending to understand the knowledge. If they weren't pretending and really understood the knowledge, then they would have been able to transfer that knowledge effectively onto others, Buddhism would have worked, and we would all be happy campers living in a world of peace. But we are not.

In my life I was just enough attracted to spiritualism to try get the answers that science could not give me. And that failed spectacularly.

What really did the trick for me was stumbling upon Desteni, the single greatest source of knowledge still largely unknown to mankind. I learned the power of self-forgiveness, how the mind/ego works, how this whole existence works, and through practical application of this knowledge I was able to suddenly crack all the nice mystic words that spiritual "teachers" fail to explain on a daily basis. I learned not only to remove desire, but to remove the underlying causes of it, along with ALL other mental monsters that make humans unable to enjoy Life and to really Live with themselves and each other.

So if you're ready to stop spending time, effort and money on "teachers" who are pretending to have some greater knowledge than yourself, and become your own Teacher, your own Master, then click on the links bellow and start your own Journey to Life.

https://eqafe.com/ - the knowledge treasury
http://desteniiprocess.com/ - on-line course that presents the knowledge and tools in a structured way
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ - FREE version - not as voluminous, but just as amazingly effective
http://desteni.org/ - mother site with forums and people, who are ready to assist and support you on your journey

No one outside of oneself can fix self and/or this world. It must be Self. Join us.

198: The Fear and Pride in Perfectionism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my work in a less than what I perceive to be perfect form due to fear that if I do not submit my work in a perfect form, that someone will find a mistake in my translation and have me fired for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become obsessed with submitting perfect translations to the point of not allowing myself to have any free time for myself in the day, but spend almost all of my time on work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that a viewer might notice a mistake in my translation and write to my superiors and have me fired for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of losing my livelihood, my financial self-support in case I got fired, instead of realising and understanding that I am through this fear abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to keep myself financially stable and fluent to support myself within the system with any kind of job I can get.
When and as I see myself becoming overly worried and perfectionistic about my work, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am being overly perfectionistic because I'm afraid to make a mistake and I am fearing the possibility of being fired due to a mistake or mistakes, thus I am afraid of losing my source of income. I also realise and understand and trust myself that I can provide for myself another source of income in case I lose my job, and I realise and understand that I fear losing this job because I perceive it as glamorous and respected, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern of the perfectionism with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to be overly perfectionistic to the point of wasting my own time with unimportant details.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my job as a translator to be a respected and glamorous job, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will make myself feel superior to other people for being a translator and am causing separation within myself and my world by defining/perceiving some jobs to be better/more than and others as worse/less than.
I commit myself to stopping and removing my wasteful and time-consuming perfectionism, because I realise and understand that otherwise I will be limiting myself only to my job and being good at work and I will not be allowing myself to expand in other areas of my life.
I commit myself to allowing myself to not worry and be perfectionistic about my job, so that I may expand myself in and explore and enjoy self-expression in other areas of my life that I am currently neglecting/ignoring due to being overly perfectionistic about my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overly perfectionistic about my work to the extent of compromising my time, my life, my self-expression in physical movement, my process, in order to do a perfect job so that I may get feedback from others, especially my former boss, that I am doing a good job, so that I could feel proud of myself and the work that I have done, instead of realising and understanding that with this kind of behaviour and thinking I am limiting myself into a mind polarity construct, where I will feel pride as superiority to others/my peers for having done a good job, and on the flip side I will fear making a mistake and consequentially feel shame for not having done a good job, not realising and understanding that I am simply generating energy with these thoughts for my mind to survive as ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pride as superiority over others, whenever I perceive that I have done a good job with my work, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do in order to be able to feel that pride as superiority over others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perceived as a good translator so that I could be proud of that aspect of myself.
When and as I see myself being overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel pride for doing a good job, and on the flip side I will feel fear of not doing a good job and therefore feeling shame, thus I am generating energy for my mind to survive as ego. Therefore I release the trigger point and though pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards doing the necessary adequate work, and I do not allow myself to go into desire to be proud of my work, as I realise and understand that with that I am only supporting my ego and am not being productive at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do due to fear of being scolded by my superiors for not doing a good job and due to fear of being fired by my superiors for not doing a good job. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work from a starting point of fear due to allowing the memory of my boss yelling at me for making mistakes to linger around in me and generate the need for perfectionism so that I would avoid being yelled at if I make a mistake.

Day 180: Holding a grudge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge towards my partner/parents/siblings/family/friends/other people, whenever I perceive that they have hurt me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within the victimisation construct of my mind and I am not taking absolute self-responsibility for how I experience myself in every moment. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have revenge on the people whom I held a grudge against, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I am living in the past and giving in to my mind's energetic fluctuations, and am not stable here, directing myself in breath.

When and as I see myself holding a grudge against anyone and perceiving that they have hurt me or somehow wronged me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment abdicating my self-responsibility for how I experience myself through participation within a victimisation mind construct, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that I solely am responsible for how I experience myself in every moment.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my victimisation constructs and consequential grudges and quarrels, because I realise and understand that those are a consequence of me not taking absolute responsibility for how I experience myself in every moment, and I realise and understand that I am in fact absolutely responsible for the energetic reactions that I myself create within the bounds of my physical body.