Day 29: Codependency

I've been walking process solo for the most part, except the last six months, when I moved in and started an agreement with a Destonian. I have 'fallen victim' to my own definitions of this person, and consequential expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point fingers and blame my partner for the way our agreement is ending, instead of taking full responsibility for what I have participated in that helped end the agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my partner and nag him to do process, because I wished that we would see eye to eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be with a partner who does process in order for me to feel like I 'have someone'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have someone in my life other than me that I could talk to and confide in, instead of realising how with these thoughts and wants and needs I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that talking to and confiding in another will help me and make me feel better, instead of applying the knowledge of trust vs. self trust.

When and as I see myself wanting to 'be close' to another, I stop and breathe. I realise that this is a program of the mind, designed to make me eternally look for relationships with other people, so that I would not be able to establish a relationship with myself in full self-sufficiency, therefore I release the point(s) of 'wanting to be close to another and have another be close to me', as I realise and understand that these are merely points of 'survival' and the mind looking to be codependent.

Day 28: Commitment to publish regularly

After watching Anna's vid about writing every day, I decided to make a new commitment: publishing daily. My process was a bit out of the group's eye due to me being banned numerous times because of my indiscretions on the forums, hence I never shared myself consistently. My process consisted of mainly writing to myself, but as I've discovered lately, writing for myself without the intention of publishing leaves room for fucking with oneself and looping. Therefore I commit myself to publish a Journey to Life blog every day.

I just now got stuck in a loop of how to word this, because I most certainly won't be able to do it every day, and how to say this as realistically as possible. When I came to the words 'Journey to life', I typoed and wrote Journey to Lie. I covered my face with my hands in dismay, and experienced a sudden rush of thoughts and pictures of "Should I just give up on this and simply go back and try to make it in the system?" And then I laughed at myself, breathed, and decided to share this little moment.

I commit myself to start publishing blogs on a regular basis until this is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is impossible to publish a blog every day despite the fact that many people have been doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go blank, whenever I decide to write a blog, and not know what to write about, instead of simply picking a point from my day and sharing it without fear of how others will accept it and interpret it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of publishing my blogs and fear how others will accept and interpret them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my blogs will give others excuses to not stand up within themselves, instead of realising the fuckup of wanting others to stand up, when I have not stood myself yet
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of sharing my self-forgiveness, because of fearing that others might judge them as ineffective, instead of realising that this fear is showing me that I am not being absolutely honest with myself, and should therefore revise my self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to publish blogs from the starting point of proving myself as effective to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be validated by other people as effective, instead of realising that effectiveness shows itself in my world through and as the consequences of my deeds and not through the words of others.

When and as I see myself going into resistance towards writing/publishing a blog, I stop and breathe and push myself through the point that I perceive doesn't allow me to do so.

Day 27: Relationships are about Survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly fear what my partner thinks about my looks, about my behaviour, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for ways in which to bond and get closer to my partner in order for him to want to stay with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize and build up a model of behaviour in my head about having sex with men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about a man that I fancy coming into my room and taking me sexually, while I am absolutely vulnerable in his hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive sex as the ultimate act of vulnerability and trust between two people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about a man that I fancy entering my room and starting to kiss me passionately and then spontaneously having sex with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of instigating sex, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that sex is something that should be happening spontaneously and automatically, so that I would not have to take responsibility for the shame that is attached to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive sex as a shameful act and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire my partner to take responsibility for starting the sex, so that I would not have to be responsible for doing what I have defined as a »shameful act«

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame and embarrassment, when/as I (am about to) have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do everything I do with the starting point of proving myself to men as good enough to have sex with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated to do things only for proving myself to men as good enough to have sex with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lead a life that revolves strictly and only around getting sex for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself with sex, and exist within and as the need to prove myself with sex to other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as not desirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be perceived as desirable by my partner and other people.

When and as I see myself wanting to prove myself to others as good enough to have sex with, I stop and I breathe. I release the point with self forgiveness, because I realise and understand that sexual manipulation and proving oneself as good enough to have sex with is all a part of the program of survival, where one secures one's own survival in the future by forming a sexual relationship with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be in a sexual relationship with another in order to secure my own survival in the future, as I now see, realise and understand that future is a construct of the mind, it is not real, and my fear of the future comes from me not wanting to take absolute self-responsibility for myself and my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive survival in this world as something negative, a hassle and something difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative connotation to the word 'survival'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word survival by fearing for my own survival in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word survival by wanting/needing/desiring for relationships, within which I could run away from my own responsibility for surviving

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word survival by wanting to abdicate my absolute self responsibility and not face myself about being responsible for my own survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the word survival and the concept as which I have defined it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word survival as a negative word and feel anxious and uncomfortable, whenever I speak about survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in fear of surviving in the future, instead of realising that I am doing so because I am not trusting myself enough that I will be ok in every moment of every breath and that I will be able to take care of myself in this wold at any given moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot survive on my own in this world without the help of a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to survive in this wolrd without the help of a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that it is impossible for me to survive in this world without a partner, therefore I must secure a partner for myself so that I would be safe in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must secure a partner for myself in order to be safer in the future and so that I would survive in the future, instead of realising how I am abdicating my absolute self responsibility within doing so.

When and as I see myself going into fear of survival and believing that I need a partner in order to survive in this world, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to believe this, as I see, realise and understand that this is part of the codependency relationship construct of the mind, designed and manifested in order for me to never realise myself as life in absolute self-responsibility and self-sufficiency, but to always remain enslaved and dependent on a source outside of me.

I commit myself to stop the enslavement of the mind as relationship constructs, which I have built in order to abdicate my absolute self responsibility for my own physical survival, but mainly for the survival of the ego.

I realise and understand that it is only the ego that needs to sustain itself by defining itself with relationships, therefore I commit myself to stop all relationships of/in the mind that I use/utilise to make myself feel good, more than and superior to others.

I realise and understand that the mind forms relationships in order to secure it's own survival in the future by securing a continued communication with other people, in case I need their help in the future, which is also a concept that is only conjured up in the mind, as the future does not exist Here within Breath, therefore I commit myself to stop all Future Constructs within and as myself.

Day 26: Interaction with my partner revisited

I’ve been waking up in a bad mood lately, because my partner is avoiding communication and contact with me, and I feel hurt and betrayed because of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a bad mood and feel hurt and betrayed, when/as I see/perceive my partner not wanting to spend time with me and interact with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel ‘safe’ and ‘fulfilled’ when my partner is around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that one must have a partner in this world in order to feel safe, secure and fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel ‘good’ about myself when I perceive that my partner is interested in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself and give myself worth with how much interest I perceive my partner to be showing in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preprogrammed with only allowing myself to feel better about myself when my partner gives me attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself when my partner is giving me attention, and bad when he is not, instead of realising this polarity mind game that is keeping me occupied and not breathing here and directing myself within breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to spend all my free time with my partner, because I have defined it as more fun to be spending time with my partner than spending time alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to only feel fulfilled / better about myself when my partner spends time with me.

When and as I see myself wanting to spend time with my partner, I stop and breathe. I realize that this want is of the mind, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

When and as I see myself having thoughts that I am inadequate I realise that I am feeding the system where I can only feel fulfilled when my partner is around me, being interested in me and giving me attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the time that I spend with my partner as more fun than the time I spend alone or with other people, because there is sex involved in interaction with my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as being able to have fun without a partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see sex as having fun

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to believe that I can only have fun when I am having sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look forward to the time when my partner gets home, because that increases the chances of us having sex together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a religion of sex within and as myself where I can feel better about myself / feel more accepted and wanted if someone is having sex with me

I realize and understand that wanting to spend time with my partner and have sex with him is the mind not wanting to face itself, therefore when and as I see myself thinking about having sex with my partner, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to go into the desire for sex. Instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

When and as I see myself desiring to have sex I stop and breathe - I allow myself to have a look at the pre-programmed design that I had created around sex  - I look at what is it that I am desiring. Is it attention? is it wanting acceptance? Is it desiring to be noticed? – Once I have identified the point – I let the point go within and as myself as I see, realise and understand that holding onto this point means that I am separating myself from it – thus seeking others to fulfil it within and as myself as to what I had separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention, validation and acceptance

from my partner within sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through sex fulfil my desire to be noticed, to be loved and to be cherished, and validate myself with the feedback that I am getting from my partner about the sex that we have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek verbal communication about sex with my partner in order to be able to validate myself with what he says about me 'in bed'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and utilize sex as a means of securing my partner staying with me in the future and keeping me safe, instead of realising how I am abdicating my self-responsibility within that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from acceptance, attention and being noticed within my desire to be accepted, have attention and be noticed by my partner and other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt, disappointed, angry and betrayed, when/as I see/perceive my partner avoiding contact and interaction with me, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of what this agreement should be like and when my ideas are not met I become disappointed, feel betrayed, get angry, because my idea of the agreement is not met, not realizing that I had created an idea within and as my mind of what it is that I expect from this agreement – thus setting myself up to react in disappointment, anger, hurt, blame as I now see, realize and understand that I was not walking within and as breath, directing the agreement to what is best for all within and as a moment – But instead allowed my ideas to direct the agreement to which I now see has only led to me feeling hurt, betrayed and disappointed.

When and as I see myself creating ideas within and as myself of what it is that I would like to experience, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to create ideas about the moment/point that I am experiencing, but delete the idea within and as myself, and direct myself here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt, betrayed, disappointed and angry, when/as I see/perceive my partner talking shit behind my back and fraternizing with other people in order to make himself superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about my partner talking shit behind my back and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to talk shit about other people behind their back, thus seeing this within other people because within and as myself, I know what it is that I am doing and as such I fear that others are doing the same to me.

When and as I see myself talking behind other peoples backs or even when I within and as my mind have a conversation with myself about another person (thus talking to myself about another person behind their back), I stop and breathe, I realize that I am causing separation within myself as backchat in my mind, which tends to play out in my reality, therefore I stop the participation within backchat, delete the point I was backchatting about within myself and direct myself within breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as resentful and vengeful towards my partner, when/as I see/perceive that he is fraternizing with other people against me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fraternize with people and thus gang up against another person in order to get what I want, instead of realising that I am causing separation and friction within myself, my world and my reality by doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take revenge on people that I see/perceive gossiping about me behind my back.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk behind peoples backs and thus create revenge within them to get me back, instead of releasing the points that I want to talk about and directing myself within breath, and thus prevent the consequences that I realise to be causing with talking behind people's backs.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of my actions in full and thus to stop creating separation within and as myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions, which tend to play out as separation within my world and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people gossiping behind my back and me not being there to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the perception that I have to defend myself, as I know see, realize and understand that I stand here within breath as an example of what and who I am, therefore any kind of defensive thoughts are coming from my fears, which I need to release with self-forgiveness.

I See, realize and understand that that which I participate in I create as an experience for within and as myself to make myself feel better about myself and feel superior and more than. Therefore I commit myself to stop creating experiences in which I make myself more than, superior and better than other people, and allow myself to see all people equally as myself.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to surround myself by people that talk behind peoples backs, instead of standing up within myself against gossip, as I realise and understand that I am allowing abuse by allowing gossip within myself, my world and my reality.

When/as I see myself going into fear and thoughts about what other people are doing when I am not there, I stop and I breathe. I realize that what other people say about me has nothing to do with me, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath.

I Realize that each person is walking their own process of self honesty and thus if I fear that others are talking behind my back I have to first investigate my life as to where I am accepting and allowing myself to talk behind other peoples backs, I also further realize that when other people are talking behind my back that that is how they fuck themselves to have mind fucks like the mind fucks that I had created about myself worrying how other people are talking behind my back and I now see, realize and understand that creating a reality where I am in constant fear of what others are saying about me is a living hell and as such I now no longer accept and allow this application and participation within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on my partner for having fun, instead of me being fun for myself.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define ‘having fun’ as being with my partner instead of giving the word ‘fun’ a living definition within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner because I see/perceive that he would rather spend time with other people than with me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to attach my self-worth to how much time my partner spends with me

I forgive myself that I had created an idea within and as myself that I only have worth if my partner spends time with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worthless, when/as I see/perceive that my partner is avoiding me and not wanting to spend time with me, instead of realising that I am wanting to validate myself with his attention and 'care' for me.

When and as I see myself emotionally reacting to my partner’s behavior in relation to me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into reaction, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

Day 26: Abandoning all hope revisited

Event: I was being spiteful towards my partner for the choices that he makes, and afterwards I wanted to explain myself to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to explain to my partner what is going on inside me, because I want him to understand me, so that he would want to be with me in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within and as myself to remain with my partner, not seeing, realising and understanding that I had accepted and allowed myself to define specific experiences, such as interacting with my partner and having sex with him and being intimate with him as positive within myself, thus accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from these experiences thus seeking and desiring my partner to fulfil these experiences within and as myself. Now I see, realise and understand that I had separated myself from intimacy within the desire to have intimacy with my partner, instead of me being intimate with me.

When and as I see myself wanting to be with my partner in the future, I stop and breathe. I realise that my desire to be with my partner in the future is of the mind, which wants to abdicate my full self-responsibility to relationships with other people of it's 'liking', therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I look within and as myself as to what I had given a positive connotation to as I now see, realise and understand that it is the positive connotations that creates the desire within and as myself where I desire to experience these experiences not seeing, realising and understanding that through me separating myself from these experiences I had accepted and allowed myself to create the polarity and thus the desire within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner and other people, when/as I see them trying to teach me knowledge, which they do not apply themselves, instead of realising that I am reacting to that point, because I still carry it within me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within and as myself to be heard and considered by other people, when/as I am sharing my knowledge about life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to teach people knowledge with conveying it to them from my memories through my mind's interpretation of it, instead of realising that I can only show knowledge that I have lived practically as common sense.

When and as I see myself wanting to teach knowledge to people from memories instead of knowledge that I have lived, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to want to teach people, because I realise that I will only cause friction with doing so. Instead I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself totake my partner's decisions personally and be hurt by them and disappointed in him for making them, and want/need/desire to persuade him to change them, instead of realising that I am doing so, because I'm hoping to be with him in the future, as I had created a belief within and as myself that only he is able to fulfil the desires that I had created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within myself that only my partner can fulfil the desires that I had created within myself, instead of realising how I am furthering the separation within and as myself by believing that I need a partner to fulfil my desires of the mind.

When and as I see myself hoping that my partner will change and hoping to be able to be with him in the future, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to go into hope, because I realise that hoping is an energetic state of the mind. Therefore I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as hope, instead of realising how I am abdicating my power with hoping that something will happen in the future and within that am abdicating my responsibility to direct myself in the future.

I commit myself to not accept hope within and as myself as I now see, realise and understand that hope is a mind delusion, with which I abdicate my power to something or someone outside of me to direct things for me in a preferred direction for me. 

When and as I see myself going into any kind of hope, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to exist within and as hope. Instead I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

Day 25: Interaction with my partner

I’ve been waking up in a bad mood lately, because my partner is avoiding communication and contact with me, and I feel hurt and betrayed because of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a bad mood and feel hurt and betrayed, when/as I see/perceive my partner not wanting to spend time with me and interact with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to spend all my free time with my partner, because I have defined it as more fun to be spending time with my partner than spending time alone.

When and as I see myself wanting to spend time with my partner, I stop and breathe. I realize that this want is of the mind, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the time that I spend with my partner as more fun than the time I spend alone or with other people, because there is sex involved in interaction with my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look forward to the time when my partner gets home, because that increases the chances of us having sex together.

I realize and understand that wanting to spend time with my partner and have sex with him is the mind not wanting to face itself, therefore when and as I see myself thinking about having sex with my partner, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to go into the desire for sex. Instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt, disappointed, angry and betrayed, when/as I see/perceive my partner avoiding contact and interaction with me, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt, betrayed, disappointed and angry, when/as I see/perceive my partner talking shit behind my back and fraternizing with other people in order to make himself superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as resentful and vengeful towards my partner, when/as I see/perceive that he is fraternizing with other people against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take revenge on people that I see/perceive gossiping about me behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people gossiping behind my back and me not being there to defend myself.

When/as I see myself going into fear and thoughts about what other people are doing when I am not there, I stop and I breathe. I realize that what other people say about me has nothing to do with me, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on my partner for having fun, instead of me being fun for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner because I see/perceive that he would rather spend time with other people than with me.

When and as I see myself emotionally reacting to my partner’s behavior in relation to me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into reaction, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

Day 24: Abandon all hope

Event: I was being spiteful towards my partner for the choices that he makes, and afterwards I wanted to explain myself to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to explain to my partner what is going on inside me, because I want him to understand me, so that he would want to be with me in the future.

When and as I see myself wanting to be with my partner in the future, I stop and breathe. I realise that my desire to be with my partner in the future is of the mind, which wants to abdicate my full self-responsibility to relationships with other people of it's 'liking', therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner and other people, when/as I see them trying to teach me knowledge, which they do not apply themselves, instead of realising that I am reacting to that point, because I still carry it within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to teach people knowledge with conveying it to them from my memories through my mind's interpretation of it, instead of realising that I can only show knowledge that I have lived practically as common sense.

When and as I see myself wanting to teach knowledge to people from memories instead of knowledge that I have lived, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to want to teach people, because I realise that I will only cause friction with doing so. Instead I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my partner's decisions personally and be hurt by them and disappointed in him for making them, and want/need/desire to persuade him to change them, instead of realising that I am doing so, because I'm hoping to be with him in the future.

When and as I see myself hoping that my partner will change and hoping to be able to be with him in the future, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to go into hope, because I realise that hoping is an energetic state of the mind. Therefore I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as hope, instead of realising how I am abdicating my power with hoping that something will happen in the future and within that am abdicating my responsibility to direct myself in the future.

When and as I see myself going into any kind of hope, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to exist within and as hope. Instead I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

Day 23: Them lying politicians

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry, resentful, annoyed, frustrated and dismayed, when/as I hear/see/perceive politicians to be taking care only of their own interest and the interests of friends instead of taking care of the whole nation as they were supposed to.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that politicians work in a nations best interest, instead of realising that they are only people who take care of their own self-interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive politicians as the caretakers of the people's best interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/define politicians as people who are going to take care of my future effectively.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive politicians as people whom I can trust to take care of my future, instead of realising how I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility by doing so. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disbelief, anger, frustration and annoyance, when/as I hear statements that I perceive politicians have made, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to hate politicians and blame them for the way I experience myself and live my life, instead of realising my absolute self-responsigbility and directing myself with common sense.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put hopes in politicians and believe that they will eventually come to a conclusion that is best for all, despite the clear evidence throughout my life that such a thing will never happen in a capitalistic system.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that people, and therefore politicians as well, are inherently good and benevolent, despite the clear evidence to the contrary, even within my own family.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame politicians for the state of the country that I live in, instead of realising that I am abdicating all of my responsibility for myself as this world onto a group of other people.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that politics is hard and complicated, and one needs a proper education in order to understand it, instead of realising the separation of education within the direction of this world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of politics and politicians, because I perceive/define them as having more power than me and power over me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that politicians have more power than me and have power over me, instead of realising how I am giving away my power to them by thinking that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame politicians because I perceive that they deceive me/the people, instead of realising how I have give them the power to do so by thinking that they have power over me and more power in this world than me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by the fact that politicians have perceived power in this world, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/wish/desire to have that same power - the power of a politician.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have power over other people, instead of realising that I want it because I am not wanting to take full responsibility for myself and my life.


When and as I see myself wanting to react to politicians energetically, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into reaction. Instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate politicians for what they do, instead of realising how I am directly responsible for what they do as well, and I am essentially hating myself, therefore I stop and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for All.

Day 22: Deconstructing my 'ideal partner'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful of other people, who I perceive can hide within a relationship/agreement, instead of realising that I am also looking for a relationship/agreement to hide in emotionally/financially. Agreement is just a word. Only self-agreement exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sorry for the 'good times' that I had with my partner, instead of realising that it was all just an illusion of my mind, where I projected my ideal male/myself onto my partner and tried getting him to be as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my 'ideal male'/myself onto the picture presentation/physical body of my partner, and in my mind create my 'perfect partner', and think/believe/perceive that he can be real and try to achieve him to be real, instead of realising how I caught myself into my mind's relationship construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad, disillusioned, angry, resentful, annoyed, frustrated, when/as I realised that my perceptions of my partner are not real and that my expectations of my partner will not be met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my partner to fulfill my expectations of him, which is part of the 'worship me' character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner should be worshiping me for being with him in this partner ship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship my partner for being with me. It's an actual worshiping. War shipping this partner ship into battle with/against the other ships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship the traits in my partner that I 'like' and that are aligned with my perfect partner/male's traits.

My perfect partner:

has bright eyes, broad shoulders, slender body, is a gentleman, holds me when I want to run away from myself, is smart, is poetic, likes the music that I like, is fearless, gentle, but strong, protects me, keeps me safe so I don't have to face myself - safe - face - lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sexually attracted to men with bright eyes, and define/perceive them as more than and superior within their picture presentation than other people's picture presentations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be attracted to broadly shouldered men and define/perceive them as attractive and strong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be attracted to slender bodied men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to be a gentleman and show a lady the courtesy that belongs to her by the rules of the forefathers, instead of realising how I am creating separation and friction within myself and abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to open the door.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a partner who would help me either face myself or run away from myself, who would understand me in any mode and character that I would happen to be in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a partner who is poetic, because that means that he is intelligent/smart/educated and therefore attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to 'connect' and create an energetic bond with my partner in terms of listening to and worshiping the same music, so that we could have something 'special' together to differentiate ourselves from other people and feel special within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be with a partner whom I perceive as fearless and courageous and bold, who can protect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek protection in relationships with other people, because I do not trust myself to take care of myself in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself that I can take care of myself in every moment/breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to show interest in my partner so that he would show interest in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have my partner interested in me all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire other people's interest in me, so that I wouldn't feel abandoned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abandoned by other people, instead of realising that I need to stand in absolute self-responsibility in breath and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted, when/as I see a man drifting away from me, because I perceive that he does not appreciate 'what I had done for him'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things for men in order for them to appreciate me, and then feel disappointed when/as I do not get appreciation for what I have done for them, instead of realising my own self-interest for appreciation in the matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to feel/to be appreciated by my partner/other people, instead of realising that I am looking for validation and confirmation as a mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire validation and confirmation from people who are seen/perceived as 'authority' in this world, in order to be confirmed and validated by the rest of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have validation and confirmation from other people about the direction that I am going in, instead of trusting myself in breath and directing myself with common sense towards what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I cannot teach equality to people, I can only stand as an example of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inadequate, less than and inferior, when/as I see/perceive a man drifting away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hold on to a man, who is drifting away from me in my fear of loss, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to fear loosing anything, as I realise that I cannot loose anything that is not attached to me physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear of loss, when/as I see/perceive my partner/someone drifting away from me, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense towards what is best for all.