My relationship with the word "please"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at X, whenever she tells me to do something without saying please.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an incredible amount of value to the word "please", and judge/perceive/define people who do not use the word "please" as people without culture, as inferior, as uneducated and unsophisticated, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to people who I perceive do not use the word please in their communication with me when they are asking/telling me to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down upon people who I don't hear using the word please in communication with other people when telling or asking them to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as having more culture, more manners, and therefore as superior because I use the word please in communication with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word please in a derogatory way, where I will pronounce it with a tone of superiority, which I have learned from my aunt, and speak it in a way that shows that I think that I am a better person than the one that I am directing the word at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word please in an ordering manner, where I do not in fact ask the other person do to something, but am ordering them to do it by speaking the word in a demanding manner and tone, because I perceive that I have power over them and can afford to use the word please in an ordering tone, so as to strengthen my superiority over them by making myself still appear polite, which I define/perceive as a superior state of being to being impolite, and to at the same time strengthen my perceived power over them with being condescending and patronising.

When and as I see myself wanting to use the word please in order to appear superior to the person I am talking to, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in emotional manipulation, I'm trying to subdue the other person, and since I wouldn't want to be treated that way, I commit myself to stopping myself and changing myself in the moment by applying and living understanding, gentleness and care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the word please angrily, wherever I perceive that I can afford to do so without serious consequences to the relationship with the person I am talking to, as a way of manipulation, to manipulate them with fear, to make them afraid of my anger, so that they would more readily comply with what I am asking of them, not realising and understanding that I am participating in a power play where I am trying to overpower the other person by speaking the word please in an angry tone and manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define speaking the word please angrily as cool and superior, and perceive it to be a way to strengthen my authority over people.

When and as I see myself wanting to speak the word please angrily, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have picked up this behaviour from my father, whom I saw as an authority figure, and started emulating his way of speaking it in order to establish my own authority over people. I also realise and understand that I am with this manner of speaking the word please invoking negative emotions within people about themselves and about myself, which makes it impossible to have cooperation between us, therefore I commit myself to stop and to check my starting point for speaking the word please, am I asking for assistance or am I using it as a way of manipulating others, and to apply and live understanding and cooperation as I align myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to be/become alert to the way I am speaking the word please, and to remove all energetic ties to the word with which I exert superiority or inferiority, and to learn to use it solely for asking for assistance when I self-honestly need it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I use the word please to ask for assistance a person that I in that moment define/perceive as more than myself, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am begging them when I use the word please to ask them for something, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear, doubt, inferiority, insecurity, to feel less than, and to be afraid of how they will respond, and to feel negative and bad, whenever their response to my please is no.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior, insecure and frightened of/about the answer being no, whenever I use the word please, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to investigating why I am feeling this way towards the person I am talking to, and aligning myself to become equal in my communication and expression towards them by self-forgiving anything and everything that comes up in that moment.

Buying something because I feel sorry for salespeople

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for salespeople, and to think/believe/perceive that they must be suffering tremendously because of having to sell stuff, and to therefore desire to buy the stuff that they are offering me in order to diminish their suffering.

When and as I see myself wanting to buy something solely because I want to diminish the salesperson's suffering, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment compromising myself, therefore I commit myself to realistically and commonsensically assessing whether I really need the product that is being offered to me, or am I wanting to please the salesperson by buying it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define selling stuff to people, offering them stuff and getting negative responses as a form of suffering since the times my mother was a book saleswoman, whom I used to feel sorry for and pity her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for salespeople and pity them for having to be salespeople, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to therefore want to buy their products just to make them feel better about themselves for having made a sale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to buy a product that is being offered to me, and responsible for the salesperson's happiness, and to therefore desire to buy their product in order to make them happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like shit, to feel bad, as a bad person, whenever I do not want to buy a product that is being offered to me, and that I know the salesperson is getting a percentage of, and to within that feel like I am diminishing their ability to survive comfortably in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad, whenever I am trying to sell something and no one wants to buy it, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this sadness onto other salespeople, to think/Believe/perceive that they will be sad if I do not buy their product, and to feel responsible for making them sad if/when I do not want to buy the product that they're offering me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I am being offered a product, which I do not want to buy, imagine the salesperson not meeting their necessary quota for a decent survival, not being able to feed or clothe their children, and to with this imagination persuade and convince myself into buying their product, and to then within that feel like a good person, like I did something good for them, to feel morally superior.

When and as I see myself persuading myself that I should buy an offered product in order to help the salesperson survive and make a living in this world, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in moral superiority, that I am not really considering that person, but I am in fact rubbing my own ego by thinking that I am a good person for buying the product, therefore I commit myself to keeping it practical and assess whether I really physically need the product and direct myself accordingly.

I commit myself to being alert, whenever I am being offered a product which I did not ask for or look for myself, and to apply practical common sense when assessing whether I really need or could use the offered product, and to not give in to my desire to be seen as a good person by myself for buying the product and thus helping the salesperson meet their quota, to have a decent survival in this world.

Zakaj je UTD tako težko vpeljati?

V današnjem negotovem prekarnem delovnem sistemu se vse bolj obračamo k idejam, ki bi ga lahko nadomestile. Vodilna med temi idejami je UTD oziroma univerzalni temeljni dohodek, ki si jo že dobro desetletje podajamo po družabnih omrežjih.

A do uresničitve ideje kar ne pride, torej je nekaj očitno narobe.

Osnova ideje je, da vsi državljani, ne glede na premoženjsko stanje, mesečno dobijo enak znesek, kar naj bi med njimi zagotovilo večjo enakovrednost. Toda kaj se zgodi, ko ljudem v zelo neenakovrednih položajih damo enako vsoto denarja? Nič. V bistvu še vedno vzdržujemo to neenakost, ki naj bi jo univerzalnost odpravila. Torej se moramo najprej zavedeti, da univerzalnost NE pomeni enakovrednosti. Ja, najrevnejšim v družbi bi se stanje malce izboljšalo, vendar bi še vedno ostali najrevnejši v družbi. Menda v 21. stoletju zmoremo kaj boljšega.

Argument, zaradi katerega ideja UTD pogori in se je ne jemlje resno, je zelo realen: če ljudem zagotovimo denar za preživetje, ne bodo hoteli delati del, ki jih nihče noče delati. To je vsekakor absolutno res, to vsi vemo. Ravno zaradi tega temeljni dohodek ne bi smel biti univerzalen. Moral bi biti omejen na ljudi brez prihodkov, znašati bi moral toliko, da zagotovi osnovne potrebe, hkrati pa bi morala minimalna plača znašati dvakrat toliko kot temeljni dohodek, da bi ljudje hoteli delati dela, ki jih sicer nihče noče delati.

Za uvedbo temeljnega dohodka je treba upoštevati tako ekonomski kot psihološki sistem, iz katerega izhajamo in ga želimo spremeniti.

Preberite, kako bi bil videti neuniverzalni temeljni dohodek.

My profession

I am a translator. I like being a translator. I've always loved playing with words, I put my heart into it and I take pride in my work.

But the joy that my work brings me is countered by the fact that it has been devalued over the last few years, and I am now working insane hours for a measly pay. Because of this I am stressed out, and we probably all know what that is like.

But hey, at least I still like what I do. I can count myself as one of the lucky ones… That is just sad. I wonder for how long we will keep playing into this before realising that we're creating it by playing into it. Actually realising it. Knowing it is not enough.

I can not only imagine, but I fully well know, having worked multiple non-translating jobs, the unhappiness of working a job you hate. You barely survive those 8+ hours. It's pure agony. Your stress levels are through the roof. And that is the reality for the majority of people.

It there any wonder that the world is in such a sad state? The majority of people barely survive, but whose fault is this? Why do the MAJORITY of people allow themselves to barely survive in a world of opulence?

Our mind-freedom has been hijacked with and by money, which is so obviously weird, because money isn't even paper anymore. It's only an abstract concept by now, but it causes real suffering. And we ALL simply just take it. Why is that?

It is because we were born into and brought up in a system where money is god. Our minds operate on that system's program. We do not see the possibilities beyond that program, because we are the system and our minds are the program.

Most of us see only: "You must make money to buy stuff to survive"

That is a very limited view of life. It is a result of a lifetime of reduced freedom. First we, as the system, trap ourselves as individuals into schools where we do not have authority over our own time, and thus the input which we will take in in that time. We take in boring information that we forget because we're not interested, and our desire for exploration is stifled because we're forced to sit still for a good third of the day. And as if that wasn't enough, we further limit our time at home by giving ourselves homework. By the time of the day we're allowed to explore on our own, we're too damn exhausted to give a damn about exploration, and we just want to counter the horrible prison-like  experience we just went through in school, so as soon as we get home, we do some or other instant gratification act.

We all went through this and we all knowingly and willingly send our children into it. We all know it sucks, yet we do not seek to create an alternative. Why? Because to create an alternative we have to work together. And that is something that the limiting institution of school has made impossible for the human mind - by grading it. Grades create comparison and competition, not cooperation.

Then we further limit ourselves by educating ourselves in one single field, which is so smart, because if a catastrophe strikes, I cannot rebuild my home or fix (let alone build) my car, but hey, at least I can translate.

And, finally, we trap ourselves into a job, which we decided on in our ignorant and highly hormonal teenage/adolescent years, so that by the time we uncover our true talents and passions, it is too late. We have allowed our creativity to silently die.

Is it ridiculous enough for us to stop and see it yet?

It is us that need to change our program and so the system.

Click here if you are ready to start.

Day 214: Putting things off

One of my most prominent and tenacious behaviour patterns is procrastination. I remember once writing a blog on it with self-forgiveness, where I was forgiving myself for procrastinating, but afterwards I didn't change. Today I realised why. Because I am not living the word procrastination. This is an English word that is only part of my knowledge. I know what it means and I know how to use it, but I don't say to myself: "I'm gonna procrastinate now." What I do live is the statement: "I don't feel like it right now." There's many other statements that make up my procrastination pattern, like:
"I still have time to do it.
I will do it later.
If I don't do it now, the consequences are not going to be that bad, I hope.
I will do this first thing in the morning, but now I am going to do something I enjoy."
I'm going to tackle this pattern for real now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I have work, duties and obligations, and feel resistance towards doing them, use the statements "I do not feel like it right now, I still have time to do it, I will do it later, I hope the consequences are not going to be that bad if I don't do it now, I will do this first thing in the morning, but now I am going to do something I enjoy" in order to persuade myself and justify not doing them immediately.

When and as I see myself trying to use those statements to persuade myself into and justify not doing my work, obligations and duties, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself and the quality of my life by putting off my work until the last minute, where I will often be late with completing it, therefore I commit myself to push myself and push through the resistance I might be feeling to get the work done in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for excuses, justifications and explanations for why it is ok for me to be late with work or fulfilling my obligations/duties.

I've always taken my duties and obligations lightly, ever since elementary school. I never really took them seriously, I never really worried about them, because all my capacity for worrying was used up by the situation at home. Compared to what was going on at home, the consequences of not doing my schoolwork on time seemed laughably small. I used to worry that my mother one day simply wouldn't come home anymore. Schoolwork was the last thing on my mind. That is why I never developed self-discipline.
In my teenage years I started using the situation at home as an excuse to not do my schoolwork or to get special treatment, when I learned that teachers and adults in general tend to be more lenient, when they know what is going on in my life. I remember being really surprised, when this method didn't work on our social worker in high school.
This all lead to me never developing real working skills, which is biting me in the ass today, and I want to rectify it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for having a hard situation at home, and in that feeling sorry for myself say "fuckit, I'm not going to do my obligations, what's the point anyway", not realising and understanding at the time that I should be doing my schoolwork for myself and not because it is being asked of me by adults.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my obligations/duties/work lightly and avoid doing them until the last minute or until it is already too late.

When and as I see myself wanting to wait with my duties/work/obligations and wanting to put them off to a later time, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with this sort of behaviour compromising myself, because other people involved usually do not have the patience/understanding for why I am being late with my work, therefore I commit myself to breathe through the resistance towards work and direct myself towards doing it in the first possible time slot I have available for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my life situation as hard in order to use it as an excuse to not do my work/duties/obligations immediately when I have the chance.

When and as I see myself trying to justify and look for excuses for not doing my work/duties/obligations immediately when I can by perceiving that my life situation is hard, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with this compromising my own life and well-being, therefore I commit  myself to removing the excuses, stabilizing myself in breath and directing myself towards getting my work done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think/perceive that I am not an organized person and that I lack self-discipline to do all my work on time, instead of realising and understanding that I am creating myself to be that way by believing it, therefore I commit myself to immediately stop myself with breath, when I notice myself thinking this about myself, and directing myself towards completing my work in the necessary time frame.

I also always had a great resistance towards schedules, because I perceive that they take freedom and spontaneity away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and loathe schedules and scheduling my days, my life, because I perceived/believed that scheduling takes the freedom and spontaneity out of life. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist making schedules for myself, instead of realising and understanding that they make life a lot easier, because then I can follow a list instead of deciding in the moment what I will be doing next, and losing time with it.

When and as I see myself resisting making a schedule for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that making a schedule will make things much easier for me, therefore I commit myself to remove my resistances and direct myself to make the schedule and follow it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am a person who does not enjoy following schedules, not realising and understanding that I am manifesting and creating myself that way, thus I am limiting myself to a set of beliefs about what I should or shouldn't do, enjoy and be like.

When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I do not enjoy making and following schedules, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have never given myself the opportunity to expand myself by making schedules for myself and see how they impact my life, therefore I commit myself to try scheduling out for myself.

In the next blog I will be focusing on my tendency to not follow schedules and previously made arrangements with other people.

Day 213: The Middle of a Conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, anxious and feel lost and trapped, whenever I perceive that I have little time and still need to work, but am not working due to some other activity I'm participating in.

When and as I see myself becoming emotional, irritated, anxious and feel lost and trapped due to perceiving that I am short on time, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not helping myself by being emotional, but am in fact wasting even more time by being emotional about it, therefore I commit myself to stay here in breath and do not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I have little time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like other people are wasting my time, and them blame them for it, whenever I talk to them while having little time to spare, and the conversation is not taking the direction that I want it to take, instead of realising and understanding that I am the one that chooses what I will be doing with my time and am therefore fully responsible for organizing it.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for 'wasting my time', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am fully responsible for arranging and organizing my time so I spend it as efficiently as I can, and by blaming others I am only trying to shift this responsibility onto them, thus I am taking my power over it away from myself. Therefore I commit myself to not go into blame towards other people for wasting my time, but direct myself in breath and prioritize my time with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless and hopeless, whenever I participate in a (group) conversation, where things seem to have slipped out of hand and a conflict seems to arise. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to yell at the participants to stop it, and think/believe/perceive that this is the only way to stop a conflict from happening. I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to resolve a conflict between people in a calm and civilized way.

I realise and understand that I would only be fueling the fire of conflict more by participating with yelling, therefore I commit myself to, whenever I see a conflict arising in a group around me, to ground myself with breathing and direct the conversation back to common sense with self-trust that I am able to do it.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance and want/need/desire to lash out at people and shout at them, whenever I perceive that I am doing everything in my power to resolve issues in a calm and civilised way, instead of realising and understanding that I am in that moment participating with superiority by thinking how calm and civilised I am, and am then being bewildered as to why it is not working, start feeling inferior and want to compensate for that by lashing out, thus taking a superior stance. This all is then my participation within and as ego that is looking for energy.

When and as I see myself becoming annoyed that my calm approach to a conflict is not working, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am only trying to appear calm, but am in fact participating within and as ego wanting to direct others and take credit for it's/my 'efficiency'. Therefore I commit myself to stop myself first, ground myself with breath and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all, thus I assess whether it is beneficial to all to keep participating in the conversation in that moment or not.

Day 212: Reactions towards knowledge and information that I do not agree with

A friend shared information about a herbalist who claims to be able to cure any disease with administering the right herbal mix. The friend quoted the herbalist, and the quote was in my perspective a bunch of words that were put together to sound educated to people who have no scientific training whatsoever. There were big words in the quote, but when put together, they don't really mean a damn thing to someone who really understands them. I reacted to this with anger, annoyance and frustration. I hate the fact that people can be so easily manipulated into believing anything simply because they lack the basic education/understanding on how things work. And I hate the fact that other people know this and use it to their advantage to make money on people who are desperate.

In all this it became apparent how different people see things differently according to their exposure to knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, hatred, frustration, resentment, annoyance, whenever I see/perceive that someone is trying to scam people for money by using words that sound scientific, but in my view aren't. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to attack those words and destroy them, in that attacking the one who is saying them by labeling them as ignorant and uneducated, not realising and understanding that I am in that moment putting myself in a superior position because I apparently understand those words, and am thus not taking into consideration the other participant as an equal but as someone who is less than me for not understanding the words like I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted and infuriated, whenever I perceive that someone is trying to manipulate me and people in general with knowledge that I have some understanding of and do not agree with what is being said.

When and as I see myself reacting with anger due to hearing knowledge/information that I do not agree with and deem to be inaccurate, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that if I go into debate about the accurateness of the knowledge, I am playing a knowledge/information based power play in order to feed energy to my mind as ego. Therefore I commit myself to not reacting with anger anymore when I hear information I do not agree with, but remain here in breath and direct myself in common sense towards what is best for all and take into consideration the other person/people and their understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with being incredulous and wanting to make fun of someone saying something that I do not agree with, not realising and understanding that I am doing so because I feel inferior because I perceive that the other person thinks that I am dumb enough to buy what they are saying, thus I am trying to compensate for the feeling of inferiority by trying to subdue the other person with making fun of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the statement "Do you expect me to believe this" either in thoughts or words, whenever someone is presenting to me knowledge/information that I do not agree with or have trouble accepting because it is outside of my scope of knowledge, instead of realising and understanding that I am in that moment feeling inferior because I perceive that I lack something in order to be on the same page with what the person is saying.

When and as I see myself feeling incredulous about someone trying to present something to me that i do not agree with, and reacting with the words "do you expect me to believe this", I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am trying to compensate with superiority the feeling of inferiority I experience whenever I am not on the same page with the person presenting the knowledge, therefore I commit myself to breathe, not allow myself to go into inferiority, but stay here and direct myself with common sense.

I commit myself to take a step back and breathe, whenever I hear knowledge and information that I do not agree with and I commit myself to stopping and removing my reactions of taking it personally whenever someone is presenting to me knowledge and information that I do not agree with, because I realise and understand that by taking it personally, I am trapping myself into an energetic power play where I will try to persuade the other person into adopting my knowledge and information and way of thinking, thus try to subdue them and will not regard them as equals, which I realise is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with hatred and anger and resentment, frustration and annoyance towards people whom I perceive to be trying to scam other people out of their money by using big words that those other people do not fully understand, and label such people as evil and abusive, instead of realising and understanding that I am taking the 'moral high ground' and making myself superior to them in my mind, thus feeding my mind as ego energy.

When and as I see myself reacting with anger towards people whom I perceive are trying to scam other people out of their money, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment taking the moral high ground, trying to be superior to those people by labeling them as scammers, as evil and not to be trusted, not realising and understanding that they are just as much trying to survive in this world as anyone else. Therefore I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic reactions to those people and directing myself in breath with common sense towards what is best for all.

Day 211: Deconstructing resentment towards my mother - continuation

This is a continuation to my previous blog. In this blog I will be focusing on me blaming my mother for the past in order to have the 'upper hand' in arguments with her, to manipulate her and subdue her. I have been participating in this pattern extensively throughout my life with all the people in my reality, and it became very apparent for me within communication with my mother, therefore I will apply self-forgiveness for the general point.

I will also write forgiveness for/to my mother in this blog. The need for this came up in a heated conversation with her and she asked me to do it, and I recognize the need for it in order to clear up things within myself and in our relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I perceive that my mother/someone has done something unto me that I don't like, to go into inferiority and remember past occurrences of conflicts between me and her/that person, use these memories to charge myself with negative emotional energy and lash out at her/the person with the information of the memories in order to have the upper hand in the conflict with the goal of subduing her/them, making/forcing her/them do or say what I want her/them to do and say in order to make me feel good, not realising and understanding that I am trying to compensate for the feeling of inferiority that I felt during the conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it easy to, when in conflicts (my mother), manipulate her/people with what I perceive to be her/their mistakes and transgressions from the past, especially people close to me like my family members and partners, not realising and understanding that I am deliberately hurting them in order to compensate for the feeling of being hurt myself, not realising and understanding that within that I am making them responsible for the way I feel instead of taking full responsibility for creating whatever is going on within me and thus empowering myself to change that within myself instead of trying to manipulate my surroundings (by bringing up the past) into adjusting to me.

When and as I see myself participating in a conflict and wanting to bring up the past in order to win the conflict, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am acting out from inferiority, which I'm generating myself, therefore I commit myself to investigate and clear up the feeling of inferiority within myself and to not lash out at people by bringing up the past and try to manipulate them so that I would feel superior and compensate for the feeling of inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in conflicts assume the position of a victim, someone that had something be done unto, and use that as a justification to lash out at other people participating in the conflict by bringing up the past to feel superior to compensate for feeling inferior/as a victim, not realising and understanding that I am trapping myself into an energetic ping pong game for the sake of generating energy for my mind as ego and staying limited within the confines of my own mind, where I do not consider/regard the other being(s) as equals, but am abusively using them to build my ego, be right, be the winner.

When and as I see myself feeling like a victim, as if something 'unfair' is being done to me by someone else (and therefore wanting to bring up the past in order to manipulate the other into feeling bad so that I would feel good, superior, as a winner), I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am limiting myself in that moment and not seeing all that is here in equality, but building up energy for my mind to survive as ego. Therefore I commit myself to not allowing myself to go into the experience of feeling like a victim of another and feeling like something unfair is being done to me, rather I stay here in breath and direct myself in common sense towards what is best for all.

--

I forgive my mother for not effectively directing me to develop my talents for dancing, singing and music into skills that I could use in life. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my mother was neglectful in not doing so, not realising and understanding that she was acting in the belief that she is allowing me to make my own choices by not directing me herself.

I forgive my mother and father for being/behaving spiteful and sarcastic towards me because they perceived that I loved my grandmother more than them. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt by my parent's sarcasm and apparent spitefulness, not realising and understanding their starting point for doing so, and therefore developing within me a deep resentment towards them, instead of realising and understanding that they were fighting a battle for my love and appreciation that they were perceiving to be losing and therefore resorted to the hateful polarity of love.

I forgive my mother for physically hitting me and yelling at me, when I was child, and having what I perceived as evil remarks towards me. I realise and understand that my mother was acting out her programming that she took over from her own parents and surroundings and at that time had no directive principle over how she behaved towards me.

I forgive my mother for always taking care of other people's children at a party first, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt by MY mother apparently putting other children higher on her priority list than me, not realising and understanding that within doing so, I was building and developing my mind as ego, where I would perceive that I should have priority over other children in my mother's life.

I forgive my mother for becoming and being an alcoholic and thereby fortifying the abusive nature of her communication with me. I also forgive my mother for not keeping her promises, especially her promise to stop drinking. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel personally diminished, hurt and violated by her not keeping her promise, because I would build up hope within me that things are going to change in our relationship, and then felt disappointed when they didn't due to her not keeping her promises, not realising and understanding that I am conditioning my inner experience of myself with an outside factor, thus abdicating my responsibility for the way I feel, for the feelings/emotions I am generating within myself.

Day 210: Deconstructing resentment towards my mother

Recently my mother and I had to spend a few days together, and I was having a lot of reactions that I had not cleared up yet because we haven't spent that much time together in years. Out of sight, out of mind. So in this one and the next few blogs I will be focusing on deconstructing my behavioral patterns in relation to my mother.

The first thing I'd like to focus on is my childhood. In our time together I noticed that I blame my mother for not giving me direction in childhood, for not being the directive principle for me to develop and use my 'many talents'.
I also noticed that since childhood I was perceiving her and my father to be spiteful towards me, to have a sort of hatred towards me because my grandmother in their eyes spoiled me rotten and kind of took me over from them, stole me from them (emotionally). Which was the easiest thing in the world to do considering how they were violent alcoholics, and she was not, therefore she represented a safe haven for me form my parents.
The third thing I'll be focusing on is my mother's inability to keep a promise and my resentment towards her for it. This is a pattern that I have developed within myself as well, therefore I will turn the point inwards and work on correcting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my mother, to resent and blame her because I perceive that she was not giving me the opportunity to develop my talents in terms of music, especially singing, and dancing, especially ballet. Within this I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and resentful towards my father, for whom I have learned after his death that he had said to my mother that it is a pity that Hilda didn't go into singing, but he never said that to me.

When and as I see myself remembering/thinking that my parents didn't give me the direction that I perceive would have been right for me, and wanting to feel resentful towards them and blame them for me "not reaching my utmost potential", I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am dwelling on the past in order to feed energy to my mind as ego with shifting the responsibility for the way my life turned out onto my parents. Therefore I commit myself to stop myself in that moment and not allow myself to go into blame and resentment, because I realise and understand that by staying in that mind pattern I am dwelling on the past, thus taking my power away from myself in that very moment, instead of empowering myself to create the direction I want to take for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dissatisfied with the way my life turned out and where I am at the moment, to feel unrealised and incomplete, because I perceive that I should have pursued a career in music rather than science. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for apparently not showing me the way to pursuing a career in music, especially singing, instead of realising and understanding that I myself have also never moved myself to realise this part of me, thus the responsibility is on me.

When and as I see myself dwelling on the past in terms of my parents not doing anything to push me into the direction of singing, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment in my mind shifting responsibility for my life and how it turned out onto my parents, which is unacceptable, therefore I commit myself to bring myself here with breathing and do not allow myself to dwell on the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I was never good enough to pursue a career in music, specifically that I wasn't a good enough violin player in order to become a professional violin player, and have therefore rather directed myself towards science.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel remorse for not recognizing my own talents "soon enough" and not pursuing a career in singing and music myself, and be angry at myself for that, instead of realising and understanding that by having remorse and anger at myself for the past, I am locking myself in the past, I am not being here and I am taking away my power/directive principle in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is too late for me to pursue a career in music/singing, and feel bad about this, like I have missed something big in my life, and due to that feel incomplete, unrealised, less than and inferior to the potential I see within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare even consider pursuing a career in singing/music, because I thought/believed/perceived that I am not pretty enough to do so, not realising and understanding that I am being influenced by and am comparing myself to the images I see in the media, which are not even real to start with, but generated with makeup and artistic illusions.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my parents, especially my mother, were being spiteful towards me because I liked to be at my grandmother's place more than at home, because I perceived it to be more safe and peaceful there than at home where my parents were fighting. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt and attacked every time my mother would bring up the subject of my grandmother having stolen me from her, and feel like she is making me responsible for something that was the consequence of her own doing, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like an innocent victim of my mother's delusions and victimize myself instead of realising and understanding that this is how I take my power away from myself by acknowledging that she had more power than me to make me feel a certain way.

When and as I see myself thinking back and perceiving that my mother/my parents were blaming me and being spiteful towards me for my grandmother stealing me from her/them emotionally, and feeling like an innocent and powerless victim within this, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am only feeding my mind as ego (negative) energy, therefore I commit myself to immediately bring myself back here and do not allow myself to feel like a victim of my mother, because I realise and understand that I am in that moment shifting responsibility for the way I experience myself onto her, which is unacceptable.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with and resentful towards my mother for never keeping her promises, especially about quitting drinking, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like her victim every time she didn't fulfill her promise that she will quit drinking. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop the belief that not all promises need to be kept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, less than and unimportant to my mother every time she failed to keep a promise to me, instead of realising and understanding that her not keeping her promises had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

When and as I see myself thinking back on my mother's unkept promises and feel like I was not good enough or worthy enough for her to keep her promises to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within self-victimization, therefore I commit myself to bring myself back here with breathing, because I realise and understand that I am abdicating my self-responsibility with self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not respect and fulfill my promises and commitments, and find it easy to not keep/fulfill them according to the way I felt or didn't feel in the moment of having to keep them, instead of realising and understanding that this is how I crumble and ruin my integrity and standing.

When and as I see myself wanting to back out of a promise/commitment and not do what I promised/committed myself to do for any reason, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment compromising my integrity, therefore I commit myself to investigate the reasons for not wanting to keep a promise and/or fulfill a commitment, I remove the reasons with self-forgiveness and correct myself and direct myself towards keeping the promise/fulfilling the commitment within common sense and the principle of what is best for all.

Day 209: Taking credit for my partner's success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the saying "behind every successful man there is a great woman", by feeling like responsibility for my partner's success in the system is being pushed onto me by this statement and people who are saying it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel responsible for my partner's success in the system, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad/negative/less than/inferior whenever I perceive that my partner is not successful in the system, and on the flip side feel good/positive/more than/superior whenever I perceive that my partner is successful in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself according to my perception of my partner's system success, and feel like I'm worth a lot when I perceive my partner to be successful, and feel worthless when I perceive my partner to be unsuccessful, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's relationship construct for the sake of generating energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself validating myself with - or reacting to something due to validating myself with my partner's success - I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my mind as a system that connects to another system in order to survive and thrive, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all, not allowing myself to validate and be influenced in any way by the success I perceive my partner to have in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  wish/want/need/desire to have a partner, who is successful in the system and rich, with which I could brag in front of people and make myself feel good about myself on account of my partner's success, not realising and understanding that I am supporting an illusion within myself by generating within myself a false sense of accomplishment, because I practically had nothing to do with my partner's success except for being his partner while he did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to take credit for the help I might have offered/given my partner on his way to system success, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel accomplished (whenever I perceive my partner to be successful in the system) just for having been with him and helped him with tasks that lead to his success, and then own part of his success as my own in my mind, instead of realising and understanding that I am using minimal physical effort to get a big sense of satisfaction and gratification and generate a lot of positive energy in order to sustain and perpetuate my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to take credit for and make myself feel good about myself with my partner's success within the system, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am generating positive energy in my mind by feeling proud of my partner, feeling accomplished simply for being his partner, which I do not accept and allow anymore. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern, I direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to validate myself with my partner in any way.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all triggers and thought patterns with which I want to validate myself with my partner's success in the system, because I realise and understand that I am only generating energy to survive and thrive as the mind and I am keeping myself enslaved with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and dream and act towards getting a partner who will be successful in the system so that I wouldn't have to be putting in the effort to survive and sustain myself in the system but have a life of leisure that success brings, not realising and understanding that in this selfish pattern I am ignoring all of reality, all that is here, except myself and my own, which I realise and understand is unacceptable.

Day 208: Reacting to the tone of people's voices

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance, anger, resentment, blame, furiousness and wanting to get revenge, whenever I perceive that someone is being demanding of me, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeling inferior and that I am trying to compensate with superiority as all those emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define being demanding as an act of superiority, and feel inferior whenever I'm being demanded something of, and feel like a servant, a subordinate, instead of realising and understanding that I am creating this experience for myself and can stop it.

When and as I see myself reacting emotionally when I perceive that someone is being demanding of me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my mind's polarity construct, where I have defined being demanding as an act of superiority, towards which I feel inferior and then need to compensate with power feelings of anger, resentment, annoyance, frustration, blame, fury, wanting to get revenge. Therefore I stop, I breathe, I investigate and remove the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all with common sense.

I commit myself to stopping and removing my emotional reactions towards someone I perceive to be demanding, because I realise and understand that their beahviour doesn't influence me unless I create their influence within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define the word 'demanding' as negative, bad, and connect and equate it with power - someone forcing me to do something - and in that feel inferior, whenever I see/perceive myself to be in the position of being demanded something of, instead of allowing myself to breathe and be stable here and not allow myself to go into an emotional reaction towards the tone with which something has been said to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically, emotionally - positively and negatively - towards the tone of voice that people have when they talk to me, and go into projections of what they are feeling inside when they are talking a certain way - using my own behaviour as reference - instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions, therefore I am not aware of and equal to all that is here, and might misunderstand what is being communicated.

When and as I see myself reacting towards the tone of voice of people - positively or negatively - I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind and am therefore not being aware of all that is here, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively to people's tone of voice that I perceive to be positive, and be happy to hear them having a positive tone of voice, and feel good/positive/superior/more than, when I am in such a conversation, and work towards keeping the conversation positive and pleasant, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeding my mind as ego the energy of positive feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to people's tone of voice that I perceive to be negative, and be afraid to talk to them due to my perception of their tone of voice being negative, and feel bad/negative/inferior/less than when I am in such a conversation, and work towards retaliating and overpowering the person or subduing myself to the person based on the starting point of my self-interest, not realising and understanding that I am in that moment feeding my mind as ego the energy of negative emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess the direction I'll be taking within communication with people based on their feedback through their tone of voice, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating in my mind's construct of social behaviour, where I'll feel happy to communicate with people with positive voice tones and be scared to communicate with people with negative voice tones, and in that I will adjust to them and not go into the direction that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adjust my responses in conversations based on the feedback of the tone of voices of other people and work towards keeping them positive in order to be able to feel positive about myself, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating in my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to adjust my response based on people's tone of voice, I stop and I breathe. I check my starting point and clear it of self-interest with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my reactions to people's voice tonalities, positive and negative, because I realise and understand that whenever I am reacting to them, I am participating in my mind with self-interest and am not being equal to all that is here.

Day 207: The 'convenience' of euthanasia for animals

A family cat is dying. I don't live with the cat, so I can't know for sure, but yesterday when visiting I didn't get the impression that it's in such a bad shape that it needs to be put down. I was cautious about this subject because I didn't want to come off as wanting to put the cat down because it is cheaper and more convenient than treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/consider/regard putting animals down as more convenient for me than treatment of the animal because it is cheaper, quicker and generally less of a hassle, not realising and understanding that in that moment I am only considering myself and my own needs/wants/desires/ and not the animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people, who consider money before the well-being of an animal - regardless of what their financial situation is - as heartless, and therefore feel like a heartless person because I am taking into consideration my own survival within the system when considering the treatment or euthanasia for an animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider/define/perceive my own financial situation and saving money to be more important than an animals well being, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that spending money on the treatment of animals is an unnecessary and unfair expense, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within fear of loss of money and am therefore putting money before life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of considering my own financial situation/well-being before the health of an animal that needs medical treatment, and want to hide it from myself and others by not wanting to put an animal down even when it is needed due to not wanting to come off as if I am rushing it only to save money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being seen/perceived as neglectful and selfish if I suggest an animal to be put down without exercising every other available option no matter how much it costs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not being prepared to spend all of my money on the treatment of an animal, when I perceive that the treatment would not be efficient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a villain, like I am doing something evil and bad, whenever I need to put down an animal to relieve it of it's suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to counter/balance the feeling of doing something bad when putting down an animal by calling/perceiving/defining it as an 'act of mercy', with which I would try to feel superior in order to neutralize the feeling of inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive any act of killing as 'bad', regardless of the starting point, instead of realising and understanding that the starting point is everything and accepting death as a part of life without judging it as 'bad'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define putting down an animal as a relief for me because I don't have to worry about it being in pain anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone putting down an animal because I felt bad about killing it.

When and as I have an energetic emotional reaction to putting down an animal, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my 'death is bad' construct, and am therefore not able to be clear about the situation, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all and do not allow myself to be influenced by my own perceptions and definitions of death.

I commit myself to investigating and releasing my mind construct of 'death is bad', because I realise and understand that death is a part of life and only the mind fears death due to not knowing what is beyond it.

Day 206: "Doing accounts is so boooring and I don't want to!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to shift my responsibilities for taking care of my business onto other people, and have them take care of those responsibilities of mine so that I wouldn't have to work and educate myself in order to be absolutely responsible for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have other people, like my accountant, take care of my expenses sheets so that I would not have to be bothered with them. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having to do expenses sheets for myself/my business as a hassle, as a burden, as a bother, instead of allowing myself to learn and be the directive principle of my own business, not realising and understanding that with these negative perceptions about doing expense sheets about my business, I am limiting myself from being able to look at the point, learning and educating myself about the point, and taking full responsibility and be the directive principle in whole of my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up resistances towards accounting and doing accountant responsibilities for my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate accounting business with mathematics, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a negative attitude towards doing my accounts and my expense sheets, instead of realising and understanding that I am severely limiting myself from being absolutely self-responsible and in control of my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as the non-accounting type, as one that is too dumb and too limited and too uneducated to be able to be doing accountant work for my business such as expense sheets, and too dumb and limited to educate myself about the way my business works within the system, instead of realising and understanding that with these perceptions I am making excuses for myself to not have to take absolute self-responsibility and could rather shift that responsibility for my business onto my accountant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in this moment that "if my friend's mother can do expense sheets, then so can I", instead of realising and understanding that I am going into comparison and competition, and I am also feeling ashamed of myself for not wanting to take responsibility for my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate doing my accounts, my expenses sheets to boring mathematics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive mathematics boring and uninteresting, instead of realising and understanding that with this definition/perception I am giving myself permission to not learn it, thus I am limiting myself and abdicating my responsibility towards learning mathematics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as one that is not naturally talented mathematician, instead of realising and understanding that I have been limiting myself my whole life with this perception and abdicating my responsibility towards learning mathematics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that some people are naturally gifted for mathematics, and some are not, instead of realising and understanding that learning mathematics is only a matter of exercise, which I have proven to myself numerous times when I passed tests for which I actually studied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of mathematics because I have within myself built up a mind construct about mathematics being hard and incomprehensible to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself when I thought that I am not able to be good with mathematics, instead of realising and understanding that I was simply giving into laziness because I didn't feel like doing the necessary exercises in order to fully grasp mathematics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have been limiting myself my whole life from learning mathematics by creating a perception within myself about mathematics, which I charged negatively and so have created resistance towards mathematics.

When and as I see myself feeling any kind of polarity energetic movements within myself towards mathematics or any other school subject, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment compromising myself and limiting myself from effectively learning about that subject, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself towards effectively learning about the subject without any polarized energetic perceptions about it.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic, polarized perceptions about things that I need to learn, because I realise and understand that by allowing myself to have those perceptions, I am limiting myself from effectively learning and I am compromising myself with ignorance about those things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that accountant's work is too complicated and hard for me to comprehend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to accountants for not knowing and understanding the work that they do so that a business may be fully operational within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself inside a cycle of not wanting to learn new things about how my business is set up and works within the system, and make excuses such as "I just want to be a translator", instead of realising and understanding that by not knowing anything about how my business works within the system, I am severely limiting and compromising myself and putting myself up for failure and to be a victim to the mistakes of other people who are handling my business in terms of accounts and how it is set up in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the amount of data that I have to read and learn about how my business works within the system, instead of realising and understanding that I must take things one by one, breath by breath, and not allow myself to become overwhelmed, because that is me as the mind wanting to abdicate my self-responsibility for learning and expanding myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define learning new things as overwhelming and impossible and a hassle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated if I do not understand something right away, instead of allowing myself to be patient with myself and collect all the necessary data in order for me to effectively learn something new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to give up in the moment when I do not understand something, instead of realising and understanding that this is how I have ruined my life up until now, and by giving up understanding something, I am severely limiting and compromising myself within the system.

When and as I see myself experiencing resistance towards taking absolute self-responsibility within the business system as not wanting to learn something new or being frustrated because I do not immediately understand something, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment compromising myself and limiting myself and abdicating my full self-responsibility for being the directive principle of my business and my life, therefore I immediately release the cause of resistance with self-forgiveness and I direct myself towards becoming fully educated about how my business is set up within the system.

I commit myself to fully educating myself on and about how my business is set up within the system, about doing my accounts, expense sheets and learning about taxation, so that I may never become compromised and limited and a victim of the system because I didn't know something, because I realise and understand that in order to be fully directive in the system, I must know how the system operates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance towards learning how businesses operate within the system because I have defined/perceived businessmen to be greedy people who are abusers, and I didn't want to perceive/define myself as such. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate businessmen and define/perceive them as abusers who take advantage of other people and the system for their personal gain, instead of realising and understanding that I am with this perception putting myself in a superior position, thus I have used this perception as a definition of myself, my personality, to feed my mind as ego energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to businesspeople and their ability to take advantage of the system for their personal gain, and their knowledge of how to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I was one that had knowledge and information about how to take advantage of the system for personal gain and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous and envious of businesspeople who have the knowledge, information and ability to be successful and rich within the system, not realising and understanding and being aware of the fact that those people also had to at some point learn about how to create and develop and direct their businesses in order to become successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel reluctant to learn about how to build a strong business because of my fear of not being able to understand the knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define economics as a subject that is boring and complicated and impossible to learn, instead of realising and understanding that I am with this perception limiting myself and giving myself permission to not even try to understand it.

When and as I see myself perceiving anything that has to be learned as difficult, boring, complicated, too much or too vast for me to learn, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment giving myself permission to limit myself, to not put in the work and time that is needed for me to understand the knowledge. Therefore I immediately release the trigger point and thought pattern of my limiting perception with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards learning what I need to learn in order to be effective, one thing at a time, breath by breath, until I have learned it effectively, and I do not allow myself to go into any kind of polarized perceptions about what I am learning in that moment.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my polarized perceptions and definitions about things that need to be learned/that I need to learn, because I realise and understand that nothing is impossible to learn, and for me to learn something, I must put in the necessary time and effort, and by having polarized perceptions/definitions about the knowledge, I am limiting myself as ego and compromising my ability to learn the knowledge.

Day 205: Stopping my judgments towards healthy living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and laugh at people, who consume organic foods and are interested in organic solutions and body cleanses and health tips and ayurveda and holistic medicine, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I have put myself in my mind onto a pedestal of 'knowing better', thus in a superior position to them, with which I generate energy for my mind to exist as ego. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now feel ashamed of myself for investigating the same things, after being concerned that my body has become toxic after years of consumption of polluted processed food, and I also forgive myself for being ashamed of making fun of these people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/perceive/define people who are interested and are investigating healthy living as health freaks and hypochondriacs, instead of realising and understanding that I am using this perception as a way of making myself feel superior to them, and I am on the flipside of this construct feeling inferior to them as being someone who doesn't have the money to play along in this what I perceived to be a fad. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label/perceive/define looking for organic foods and caring about health as a fad, not realising and understanding that I have also created this perception in order to make myself feel superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become irritated and feel superior, whenever someone talks about organic food and alternative medicine, not realising and understanding that I am doing so from my own limited standpoint of having been educated within the westerner medical/pharmaceutical system, in which I learned (and adopted this knowledge as an ego point to feel superior through knowledge) only about western research and experiments, which are kept in strict separation within different disciplines, and I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that separate disciplines are a way to take on science, not realising and understanding that everything within the physical bodies of all beings and everything in nature is interconnected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive holistic medicine as a bunch of bullshit, not realising and understanding that I have picked this belief up from my father, and have taken on his negative view of it and made it part of my ego/personality, instead of investigating holistic medicine for myself and making my own conclusions about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive myself to be an expert on medical/health/pharmaceutical issues due to having been educated in those fields, and thus become irritated and angry, frustrated, resentful and spiteful, whenever that knowledge is challenged, by reacting with inferiority by taking it personally by feeling that I am not being respected as an individual who was educated in these things, thus I am reacting by lashing out with superiority and try to discredit the source of information and act like my source of information is the only valid one, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of superiority and inferiority, within which I am only generating energy for my mind to exist as ego, and thus am limiting myself from learning new things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive myself to be an expert in dieting and healthy eating because I have read some books on it years ago, instead of realising and understanding that I have trapped myself into a very limited mind construct of considering only that data to be reliable, and shunning all other data as not reliable, not realising and understanding that I have allowed this to become an ego point with which I generate energy for my mind and am not taking into consideration any other type of research or even considering trying out new things for myself.

When and as I see myself in any way energetically reacting to topics about health, weight loss, diets, natural healing, organic foods, ayurveda, holistic methods, alternative medicine and anything that is related to the health of the physical body and nature, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have allowed myself to become limited by knowledge that I took in throughout my life, and have started to shun any other knowledge that doesn't relate to and fall in with my own sources of knowledge, and that in the moment of reaction I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of inferiority and superiority around knowledge, with which I only fuel my ego with energy. Thus I stop myself, I breathe, I do not allow myself to act on the reaction, but I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself within the awareness that I do not know everything, that I have much to learn and that different things work differently for different people.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic reactions towards knowledge and information about the physical body and nature, about health and dieting and medicine and pharmacy, because I realise and understand that any kind of energetic reactions towards this knowledge means that I have created a personal relationship with it in my mind, with which I generate positive or negative energy within myself to keep my ego going, and am thus limiting myself and not allowing myself to expand by taking in new knowledge and information.