Day 207: The 'convenience' of euthanasia for animals

A family cat is dying. I don't live with the cat, so I can't know for sure, but yesterday when visiting I didn't get the impression that it's in such a bad shape that it needs to be put down. I was cautious about this subject because I didn't want to come off as wanting to put the cat down because it is cheaper and more convenient than treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/consider/regard putting animals down as more convenient for me than treatment of the animal because it is cheaper, quicker and generally less of a hassle, not realising and understanding that in that moment I am only considering myself and my own needs/wants/desires/ and not the animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people, who consider money before the well-being of an animal - regardless of what their financial situation is - as heartless, and therefore feel like a heartless person because I am taking into consideration my own survival within the system when considering the treatment or euthanasia for an animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider/define/perceive my own financial situation and saving money to be more important than an animals well being, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that spending money on the treatment of animals is an unnecessary and unfair expense, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within fear of loss of money and am therefore putting money before life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of considering my own financial situation/well-being before the health of an animal that needs medical treatment, and want to hide it from myself and others by not wanting to put an animal down even when it is needed due to not wanting to come off as if I am rushing it only to save money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being seen/perceived as neglectful and selfish if I suggest an animal to be put down without exercising every other available option no matter how much it costs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not being prepared to spend all of my money on the treatment of an animal, when I perceive that the treatment would not be efficient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a villain, like I am doing something evil and bad, whenever I need to put down an animal to relieve it of it's suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to counter/balance the feeling of doing something bad when putting down an animal by calling/perceiving/defining it as an 'act of mercy', with which I would try to feel superior in order to neutralize the feeling of inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive any act of killing as 'bad', regardless of the starting point, instead of realising and understanding that the starting point is everything and accepting death as a part of life without judging it as 'bad'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define putting down an animal as a relief for me because I don't have to worry about it being in pain anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone putting down an animal because I felt bad about killing it.

When and as I have an energetic emotional reaction to putting down an animal, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my 'death is bad' construct, and am therefore not able to be clear about the situation, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all and do not allow myself to be influenced by my own perceptions and definitions of death.

I commit myself to investigating and releasing my mind construct of 'death is bad', because I realise and understand that death is a part of life and only the mind fears death due to not knowing what is beyond it.

Day 190: Fat people as second class human beings

The treatment of fat people in our society is just a much milder form of the hatred black people had to endure solely because of their appearance. In this blog I am revealing and de-constructing the thought processes behind this phenomenon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as a second class human being because I am fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into and participate within the social construct of fat people being seen and treated as second class human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that human beings who are fat are worth less than human beings who are slim, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and negative about myself for not being slim and feel inferior to slim human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is not ok to be fat and that I have to do everything in my power to lose weight, not realising and understanding that my power to lose weight it pretty limited, and therefore feel like a failure whenever I fail to lose weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a constant and continuous wish to not be fat, and therefore exist in a constant and continuous battle with myself in order to lose weight, instead of realising and understanding that it is my perception that I need to change, and not my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as gross because of being fat, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fat people to be gross for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there is something wrong with me because fat accumulates on my body in greater quantities than on slim people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the sight of fat people is offending to thin/slim people, and therefore avoid being seen, thus closing myself off in my room and rarely go out in order to not offend anyone with the way I look.

When and as I see myself having resistances to going outside and exposing myself to people's sight due to the way I look and due to fearing how other people will see/perceive me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my own self-created mind polarity construct of definitions and perceptions about fat and thin people, therefore I investigate and release the trigger point and thought pattern with writing and self-forgiveness, I direct myself in breath and I do not allow myself to limit myself in what I do and where I go because of the way I look.

I commit myself to writing out and stopping all of my definitions and perceptions of fat people and thin people, because I realise and understand that I am limiting myself in actual physical reality due to those definitions and perceptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with sadness and anger and frustration and resentment, whenever I see and perceive that people, especially men, are treating fat people worse than thin people. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so sad that I would bawl and cry my eyes out due to my perception of this behaviour being completely unfair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic reaction of "this is so unfair", whenever I see/perceive that thin people are being treated with more attention, respect, admiration and love than fat people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, whenever I see this, and go into sadness and anger, frustration and resentment towards myself for apparently not being able to cause people to behave towards me and perceive me like they behave towards and perceive thin people, instead of remaining here in breath within the realisation that picture driven behaviour is part of the abusive ego, and that I do not have do accept and allow such an existence within myself.

When and as I see myself reacting to my perception of thin people being treated nicer than fat people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting to something that I am still allowing to exist within myself, therefore I turn the point inwards, I release the thought pattern with which I am allowing within myself the behaviour that I am reacting to, and I direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have within myself accepted and allowed a world in which fat people are seen and treated as second class human beings, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that this is ok that fat people are being treated worse than thin people, because everyone is saying how being fat is not only ugly but is also unhealthy, and that everyone should be thin in order to avoid being sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that being fat means that one is unhealthy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to have health problems in my future due to being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being fat with being unhealthy. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having heart and coronary problems in the future due to being fat, and feel powerless and helpless to do anything about it, because within my observations I have found that I can only lose weight if I starve myself, which I also know is not healthy for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being trampled and treated nastily by society for being fat, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I am the creator of my own experience, thus I am the one that has accepted and allowed society's perceptions, beliefs and constructs about fat people to become part of me, and so I am actually the one that is trampling myself and treating myself nastily based on the constructs I have adopted from society over the years of my life.

When and as I see myself feeling that society is somehow to blame that I experience myself as inferior for being fat, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am experiencing my own mind within my own body, I am participating within my own constructs that I have adopted throughout the years, therefore I stop myself and investigate and release the trigger point and thought patter with which I created the experience within myself, and I direct myself in breath within the realisation that I am unconditionally responsible for way I experience myself and am also unconditionally responsible for correcting the way I experience myself with writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my inner experiences and energetic reactions that I have towards society's treatment of fat people, because I realise and understand that everything I see on the outside that I react to is actually my own acceptances and allowances within my mind, which I need to clear and correct into a direction that is best for me within the context of what is best for all.

Day 182: Tears of joy

I watched this video about a chicken farmer releasing his chickens from cages and making it possible for them to live as actual chickens. This act of kindness brought tears to my eyes. I have already dealt with my reactions to animals and people being abused, but I had not yet written out my reactions to such acts of kindness, hence the welling up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry and get entangled into positive feelings and energetic movement within myself, whenever I see acts of kindness that humans do for each other and/or (abused) animals or that animals do to each other or to humans. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive such acts of kindness as something irregular and extraordinary, and be happy for such acts of kindness in this abusive world, instead of realising and understanding that I am perceiving something that should be normal and generally accepted as superior and more than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience happiness and joy, whenever I see acts of kindness being done, because I perceive that if someone else does more acts of kindness, then I do not have to worry about the world so much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fret about the world and the state it is in, instead of realising and understanding that worrying and fretting is not going to assist this world to manifest a system that is best for all in any way, only the self-directive movement of many individuals will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is ok to cry for joy, instead of realising and understanding that I am crying for joy because at the source of what I am crying about there is great pain and great abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify abuse in my mind as "not that bad", whenever I see acts of kindness that contradict the abuse, instead of realising and understanding that no abuse whatsoever is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to adore and give credit to people who diminish or abolish abuse themselves, instead of simply following their example and standing for the same abolishment of abuse worldwide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel joy and happiness and other positive energetic feelings, whenever I see that suffering that was there before has been stopped, as an opposite polarity of thesadness and anger I felt when I saw suffering happening.

When and as I see myself becoming positively energetically charged and reacting with positive feelings, whenever I see/perceive the ending of hardship and suffering, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind and generating thoughts and energetic feelings within myself as the opposite polarity of the sadness and anger and frustration I felt when I saw/perceived suffering occurring, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards having no energetic reactions to what I am seeing/perceiving.

I commit myself to identify, stop and remove all positive energetic reactions within myself, because I realise and understand that I need to remove both polarities in order to be clear of any kind of reactions and be able to direct myself towards what is best for all.

Day 181: Deconstructing the Cartoon Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the behaviour of characters in cartoons and comedies to be funny, cute, innocent and appropriate for me to copy it and incorporate it into my own behaviour towards and communication with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and speak like cartoon and comedy characters within my desire to be perceived as funny, cute, innocent and non-threatening to others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise and understand that by copying and imitating cartoon/comedy characters, I am in my mind further separating myself from myself into separatecharacters for specific situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy expressing myself through cartoon and comedy-like characters and define and perceive such expression as pleasant, funny and cute and non-threatening, instead of realising and understanding that I have developed those characters within myself with a specific reason of being more liked by other people, because I perceived that all people like cartoon and comedy-like characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself through cartoon and comedy-like characters with baby speak and baby and animal noises in order to alleviate a situation that I perceived as serious/heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize the cartoon and comedy-like characters in situations that I perceived as serious in order to be the one that calms the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself through cartoon and comedy-like characters and baby-speech and animal noises and other random noises in order to be perceived by men as funny and quirky and different from other girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize cartoon and comedy-like characters and baby-speech and animal and other random noises without words in order to make myself feel like a child and within that deflect my responsibility for matters that I have perceived as serious and grown up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself through cartoon and comedy-like characters, through baby-speech and animal and random noises in order to escape the seriousness of being a responsible grown up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that by using baby-speech, animal and random noises and cartoon and comedy-like characters I am escaping and abdicating my responsibility to become a responsible human grown-up that realises it's responsibility towards myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to forever stay a child and be perceived by others as a child, even though I am grown up, in order for me to not have to take on the responsibilities of grown-ups, because I perceived/defined those responsibilities to be hard, arduous, scary and not fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of not having fun as a grown-up, and therefore try to stay in my childhood mode by using and expressing myself through baby-speech, cartoon and comedy-like characters and random noises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define grown-ups as beings who are serious and boring and never have fun, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of becoming a boring and serious grown-up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from facing myself and my own responsibility for myself and all that is here by developing and playing out cartoon and comedy-like characters with and as baby speech, animal and other random noises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the character Dexter from the cartoon Dexter's laboratory as a character that is appropriate for me and overlapping with my own personality, and therefore incorporate parts of this made up characters expression of funny speech and using big words into my own behaviour towards other people in my surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as a pleasant and funny person, whenever I was using the cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises to express myself, instead of realising and understanding that I was automatically participating within my own self-accepted and self-created mind construct, where I have defined people who express themselves with cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises as funny, pleasant, entertaining and superior to people who do not express themselves in such a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and escape and avoid becoming a responsible and serious grown-up human being by watching cartoons and mimicking cartoon-like behaviour in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as a grown-up child, and within this perceive myself as different, funny and entertaining, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am deliberately trying to escape my responsibility towards myself and all that is here as a grown-up human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to entertain people in my vicinity with cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises, so that I would be perceived by them as entertaining and a desirable person to hang out with, instead of realising and understanding that I am compromising myself and losing myself in a sea of characters in order to please others or not be perceived as threatening by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself and others what I am truly feeling in a moment and cover it up and silence it with trying to be funny through cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises, instead of realising and understanding that I am suppressing what I am experiencing and I am not facing it, therefore allowing it to become a more complex set of suppressedemotions/feelings within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises as a mechanism to avoid having to talk about myself and my own situations and life experiences, which I have defined as bad/negative/tragic/sad, and with this behaviour hide those situations and life-experiences and accompanying emotions and feelings from my peers/surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad/sad/inferior/negative about myself, my family and the fact that my parents were alcoholics and didn't have enough money/were poor, whenever theconversation with my peers lead to talking about our situations at home, and try to deflect and cover-up my situation at home by expressing myself through humour, because I thought/believed that if I make my peers laugh, they will not want to find out about my situation at home, and will not tease me about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and degraded/inferior/less than/negative/humiliated because my parents were alcoholics and that we didn't have enough money/were poor, and to be afraid that my integrity among my peers and my family's safety and my own safety within it will be compromised if my peers/schoolmates and teachers found out about it, therefore I started behaving like a person that has fun, that is funny and laughs a lot in order to hide and suppress those fears and prevent anyone from finding out the truth, because then the social workers might come and break up my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child be afraid of social workers breaking up my family, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define social workers as bad/negative/scary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises in order to convey a message that I perceived as serious/boring in a funny way, so that I would not be perceived as serious/boring and not feel like I am in danger of falling out of favour with the person that I am conveying the message to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at all costs avoid having to act and behave in a serious way, because I have equated and defined seriousness with/as being boring, instead of realising and understanding that within acting in such a way I am abdicating my responsibility towards myself, others and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people whom I perceive to be acting in a serious manner without humoristic additions as boring and uninteresting, instead of realising and understanding that with these definitions I am giving myself permission to never have to take on serious responsibility for myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises in order to "better" myself as a "person" within my perception that I do not look as appealing as other girls, therefore I upgraded my personality to one that I perceived as fun and entertaining in order to compensate for my perceived lack in my appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises in order to be more liked by men and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my chances for finding/keeping a partner increase with my usage of funny elements in my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being perceived as both ugly and boring by my surroundings and especially men, if I do not use funny elements within my expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make people in my vicinity, and especially men, laugh, so that I would be perceived by them as desirable to hang out with and have conversations with.

When and as I see myself acting within cartoon and comedy-like characters, baby speech and animal and random noises, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my minds construct of wanting to be perceived as a funny and entertaining person in order to manipulate others into liking me and/or deflect something that I perceive as serious/bad/negative, and compromising my true expression in equality, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards communicating without energetic reactions what I had set out to convey.

I commit myself to observing myself and stopping and removing all my cartoon and comedy-like characters, and the need to express myself through baby speech, animal and random noises, because I realise and understand that with such communication I as humanity as all have been avoiding, deflecting and abdicating our actual responsibility for ourselves and all that is here. I also realise and understand that comedy and funny behaviour is used in order to cover up and ignore pain and suffering by giving it a comical twist, therefore I commit myself to releasing the comical mechanism/way of thinking within myself and uncovering and exposing it to other human beings as well, so that we may all look at the reality of the situation we are in and deal with it appropriately by implementing a system within ourselves that is best for All.