Day 44: Templated self-forgiveness does not work

I quit weed recently, and after having quit, I noticed that in the past I was fucking with my self-forgiveness a whole lot, since I was not able to effectively follow my thoughts, but instead used templates for self-forgiveness statements, which more often than not resulted in an abdication of self-responsibility instead of taking self-responsibility.

I am at a point where I am restarting process again, this time with a clarity that I never had before. Smoking weed for ten years almost every day has left its toll. I am a bit shaky in my application, because I've never applied myself for real before. There were a lot of smoke and mirrors involved in my application before, and I have rendered myself into one who is 'late'. Late in terms of having looped so much, that I've almost missed the train and lost myself. Not fun.

I try to be indifferent towards the weed smokers and alcohol drinkers in my vicinity, as to not come off as superior to them for having quit both (which I obviously still have to write out, lol), but I cannot deny that the joy of knowing and facing oneself in ful awareness and not wanting to run away from self with substances is indescribable.

I have walked the 21 days, and during this period I have found myself in situations where I could easily get stoned and drunk, but I didn't feel the need. In the first week of quitting weed I regained myself again in a moment of having nearly lost myself... I was feeling almost depressed and extremely anxious, and that day I wrote and wrote and wrote... until I brought myself Here again, and felt the joy of self-certainty that I've never felt before. I started publishing my Journey to Life blogs again, and slowly but surely a big change occured in my application of self-forgiveness, which was also a consequence of having re-started reading Heaven's, Creation's and Earth's JTL blogs from the beginning again - this time with awareness and concentrating on every statement. It wasn't easy - I would get sooo tired sooo easily, and my mind would try to occupy me with random thoughts. I had to stop reading the blog, write out the point that my mind threw at me, and get back to reading. Then I'd get another batch of thoughts thrown at, I'd stop again, write them out, get back to reading... and slowly but surely my application of self-forgiveness changed, as reading the Heaven's journey to Life has clarified and made me realise how I create separation as friction within myself to generate energy for the mind. My statements went from having almost no direction, and having only knowledge and information as a compas, to me being the starting point and origin of my application.

I realised that templated self-forgiveness does not work, as there is no template to how I allowed myself to build myself up. We all work the same, yes, but it is still an individual process in which each has to find the specific points within self, and I cannot use knowledge and information to get there, but actual self-investigation.

I find nothing impossible or hard anymore. All it takes is time, everything else is only a perception or definition of my mind, and I do not allow myself to manipulate myself with the statement "it's hard or  impossible right now".

Day 43: Revised and expanded self-forgiveness on wanting to be thin

My buddy helped me expand on self-forgiveness from this blog and see some very relevant additional points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within my hatred for the way it looks and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical because it does not match the ideal body that I had accepted and allowed myself to create as an idea within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct within and as myself an idea of how an ideal female body looks, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my own physical body to that idea and feel inferior because of it, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am separating myself from myself and creating friction as energy for my mind to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive and create an idea within and as myself that my physical body is ugly and not appealing to men, thus creating an experience within and as myself that I am undesirable and not worthy of men, thus allowing myself to feel unwanted and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that men are not ‘put off’ by my physical but is instead ‘put off’ through the resonance design that I had accepted and allowed myself to become as a belief of being unwanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within wanting and desiring to have a thin physical body in order to be able to manipulate men with my looks and gain the hypnotic control over them that I perceived thin girls to be having over men, not seeing, realising and understanding that within this I am wanting to be superior to men in order to abuse them within abdicating my self-responsibility by having them do things for me and at the same time feeling inferior to thin girls, whom I perceive to be able to do that and envying them.

When and as I see myself wanting to be superior to men and feeling inferior to and envious towards thin girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by wanting to have manipulative powers over men is me abdicating my self-responsibility, and by feeling inferior and envious to thin girls I am separating myself from myself with comparison, therefore I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have hypnotic powers over men, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to thin girls, because I perceive that I do not have that power, and furthermore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have this perceived hypnotic sexual power over men, instead of realising that with this desire I am separating myself from myself and others as me by pursuing to have power over men and be/feel superior to them and at the same time I am competing with other women in terms of who has more hypnotic sexual power over men, which is unacceptable, because I have seen, realised and understood that within this behaviour I am not regarding other human beings as equals whom I could cooperate with to manifest outcomes best for all, but as opponents, whom I must fight with in order to create friction for the creation of energy for my mind in self-interest.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to be able to seduce a man, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by doing so I am separating myself from all as me with desiring to feel superior and more than, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, as I have seen realised and understood how the seducing game work where I would disregard men as my equals and abuse them for my ego's self-interest and validation in order to create the 'good' energies within myself to make myself superior and more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever I see a girl who is thinner than me, because I had created the idea within and as myself that thinner woman are able to manipulate men and being able to manipulate men means that I have power and through this I now see, realise and understand that when I manipulate another I am abusing them in the power play that is the seducing game and seeing them as opponents, instead of seeing them as equals that I could cooperate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior whenever I see/perceive that a thinner girl is getting more attention from men than myself, as I perceive that I am unable to get that attention, instead of realising that I am compromising and separating myself within my desire to get attention and my comparison to other women in terms of getting attention from males.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls lead a much happier life than myself, instead of realising and understanding that this is a perceprion of my mind, which has lead me to believe that I should be unhappy and feel unfulfilled because I am overweight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have it much easier in life in terms of manipulating men into getting what they want, instead of realising and understanding that I am causing myself to feel inferior with this, and with this am separating myself from myself and all as myself, through the belief that thinner girls get what they want, where I live in a reality where I perceive that I never get what I want, thus creating a point of jealousy within and as myself where I believe that life has treated me ‘wrong’, not seeing realising and understanding that I had created this perception that ‘thinner girls get what they want’ within and as myself that I am now reacting to as a point of jealousy towards, thus me being jealous of the ‘ideas’ as characters that I had created within my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should manipulate men into doing what I want and them getting me what I want, instead of realising and understanding that I am within doing so abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to and towards myself where I am creating expectations of men, and when I allow myself to slow down within and as myself I can see within and as myself that when another person has an expectation of me, I start to dislike that person I feel incapable of living up to their expectations, thus through this process of expecting men to give me what I want I had inadvertently manifested my fear that they do not like as I had created the driving force of resistance within the relationship through me accepting and allowing myself to have expectations of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as 'not beautiful, but interesting', instead of realising that with this I am trying to compensate for my feeling of inferiority towards thin girls and girls that I perceive as 'beautiful', by trying to make myself superior to them by labelling myself and my looks as 'interesting', not seeing realising and understanding that ‘being interesting’ is a mind creation within and as myself where I had given myself a ‘vice’ to depend on, to accentuate a part of my personality to get to the same result that I believe that thin woman have and that is to be able to manipulate men through this characteristic that I had created within and as myself as a characteristic that sticks out above all other woman.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other girls in terms of looks and intelligence, and feeling inferior within it, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into comparison or any kind of other judgement, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath as I have seen realised and understood that comparison and consequential competition manifest inequality as friction and separation in self-interest instead of cooperation within equality.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison with other women in terms of looks, intelligence and ability to seduce a man, because I realise and understand that seducing men is an act of separation from myself and all - an energetic need of the mind to generate friction and energy for it's own survival, which I am stopping within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that all seduction games are based in money and survival as the undercurrent of all my energetic experiences.

Day 42: Self-forgiveness on money

This is a working version of my self-forgiveness that was written out in a moment of reaction. These statements are to be  revised and expanded, but for the sake of consistency I am publishing them now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever someone offers to pay for me and pays for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in their debt, instead of realizing and understanding that I pay for other people in order to make them like me and to feel superior and as a good person, therefore I realize and understand that I am playing into a polarity construct any time I go into an energetic reaction about paying for others and others paying for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay money for other people in order for them to like me more and see me as a good person, instead of realizing that with this I am creating separation within wanting to be superior to them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay for other people in order to be perceived by them as a benevolent and superior person, instead of realizing how I am supporting inequality within doing so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have lots of money without having to work for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money on lottery in order to manifest that desire, instead of realizing that I am playing life’s casino and wanting to have more than others, therefore when/as I see myself wanting/wishing for lots of money without work, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look and seek out ways to generate/make/get money for myself with as little effort as possible, instead of realising that everyone is doing this and so we manifest a world of separation that we find ourselves in by abusing each other and shifting responsibility onto others to do the “hard work”, which globally manifests as people in the ‘poor countries’ work for change per hour to produce the stuff we use.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others with sadness in order to get money from others through them feeling sorry for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others with information about myself in order to get money from them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I walk in the street want to appear to others as someone who doesn’t have problems with money, because I have defined having money as respectable and responsible living.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having money as a respectable and responsible living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have lots of money so that I would present myself as respectable and responsible, instead of realizing that this is an act of superiority within which I separate myself from others as me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people who pay for me becoming annoyed with me for not having money and not looking for a job, instead of realizing that through this fear I am projecting something that I do myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed with people whom I perceive to not want to get a job, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed whenever I pay for them, instead of realizing and understanding that I have paid for them in order to feel superior to them, so I have no business being annoyed, as it is a choice that I have made myself within my desire for superiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of telling people about my financial problems as I will cause reactions within them, because with this I am making them responsible for me within wanting them to take care of me, because I have little to no money.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to tell people about my financial problems within my hope of them hearing me and wanting to help me and give me money.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and defend having no money where I am right now by having had the kind of family I had in the past, instead of realizing that within blaming my family and my past for my present problems, I am abdicating my self-responsibility.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed whenever I have no money and someone else pays for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed whenever I have to ask someone to pay for me because I cannot afford something at the moment.

Day 41: Wanting to be important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be important in this world system, and the community I live in, amongst the people that I personally know and who know me, instead of realising and understanding that 'being important' is an expression of superiority within the system, which implies inequality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that wanting to be important is stemming from me feeling inferior and not important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as not important, instead of realising that with this I am creating separation within myself as friction for the generating of energy for my mind to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being important to having lots of money and influence over other people within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to have influence over others, instead of realising that having influence over others implies inequality, as it is an expression of superiority, which is my mind generating energy through friction within itself for it's survival as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all as me within my desire/want/need to be acknowledged as important by others/feel important within myself.
When and as I see myself wanting to be important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a polarity design, with which I separate myself from all as me through friction within myself with which I generate energy for my mind as ego, and am abusing my physical substance of my body in order to do so, therefore I remove the point of desiring to be important with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desires to be important within this world/system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be perceived as important by my sexual partner and my friends, instead of realising that this is a consequence of me wanting to have influence and control over them, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to have influence and control over my sexual partner and my friends, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself important with the knowledge and information that I have, and through projecting what I perceive in other people, instead of realising that I am acting superior and with this am creating separation within myself and my outer world as consequences of my thoughts and actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself more important than other people within interaction when I am with a group of people, instead of realising that with this I am generating separation as friction through superiority.

When and as I see myself wanting to be 'more important' than someone else, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand the superiority fuckup that this causes by creating separation through friction for my mind as energy, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desire to be 'more important' than someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be more important to my sexual partner than other women, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my sexual partner to perceive me as superior to other women, therefore when and as I see myself competing and comparing to other women in relation to getting attention and being more important to my sexual partner than them, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself with this through creating separation within myself and my outer world as friction to generate energy for my mind as ego to survive, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison and competition with other women within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be percived as important within specific areas of my life such as my job, my realtionships and the house/family/community that I live in, instead of realising and understanding that this creates separation, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to be perceived as important by anyone ro desiring to feel important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that wanting to feel important comes from a point(s) of inferiority that I carry myself, therefore I identify those points, remove them with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy and be jealous of people that I perceive as important, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from people whom I perceive as important within my desire to be like them and envy towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards people whom I perceive as being important/more important than me within this world, instead of realising that within this I am creating separation.

When and as I see myself perceiving someone else as more important than me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into inferiority towards them, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath. 

Day 40: Wanting to be thin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my intake of food with the starting point of wanting to loose weight in order to be more appealing to men and meeting the society's standards of beauty, instead of allowing myself to eat when and as I notice that my physical body is hungry and needs support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat whenever I feel bad and with that console myself, instead of realising that I am harming my physical body by feeding it, when it is not feeling hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within my hatred for the way it looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my physical body as ugly and not appealing to men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within wanting and desiring to have a thin physical body in order to be able to manipulate men with my looks and gain the hypnotic control over them that I perceived thin girls to be having over men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have hypnotic powers over men, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to thin girls, because I perceive that I do not have that power, and furthermore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have this perceived hypnotic sexual power over men, instead of realising that with this desire I am separating myself from myself and others as me by pursuing to have power over men and be/feel superior to them and at the same time I am competing with other women in terms of who has more hypnotic sexual power over men, which is unacceptable.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to be able to seduce a man, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by doing so I am separating myself from all as me with desiring to feel superior and more than, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever I see a girl who is thinner than me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior whenever I see/perceive that a thinner girl is getting more attention from men than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls lead a much happier life than myself, instead of realising and understanding that this is a perceprion of my mind, which has lead me to believe that I should be unhappy and feel unfulfilled because I am overweight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have it much easier in life in terms of manipulating men into getting what they want, instead of realising and understanding that I am causing myself to feel inferior with this, and with this am separating myself from myself and all as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should manipulate men into doing what I want and them getting me what I want, instead of realising and understanding that I am within doing so abdicating my absolute self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as 'not beautiful, but interesting', instead of realising that with this I am trying to compensate for my feeling of inferiority towards thin girls and girls that I perceive as 'beautiful', by trying to make myself superior to them by labelling myself and my looks as 'interesting'

When and as I see myself comparing to other girls in terms of looks and intelligence, and feeling inferior within it, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into comparison or any kind of other judgement, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison with other women in terms of looks, intelligence and ability to seduce a man, because I realise and understand that seducing men is an act of separation from myself and all - an energetic need of the mind to generate friction and energy for it's own survival, which I am stopping within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that all seduction games are based in money and survival as the undercurrent of all my energetic experiences.

Day 39: Sharing my specific knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify/define myself with being a pharmaceutic technitian and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive pharmacy to be a benevolent science that takes care of human lives and is therefore superior to other sciences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify/define myself with my knowledge of pharmacy, microbiology, chemistry, physics and biochemistry, and feel superior to other people whom I perceive to not have the same level of education and amount of knowledge as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself superior to other people by sharing information and knowledge and seek the approval of other people by trying to make myself appear as knowledgable and studied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that people might feel inferior to me, when I share my specific knowledge from school, instead of realising that I am fearing this because I perceived myself as superior to them for having that knowledge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry when/as I talk about pharmacy, because I perceive it has become a business that abuses people's lives, health and well being instead of being the benevolent science that supports and takes care of people's health and well being, which I defined and perceived it to be before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, whenever I see/perceive someone trusting doctors and pharmacists about their health more than themselves and/or me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such situations immediately think about and remember how pharmaceutic companies are buying/bribing doctors to prescribe and use their drugs insted of drugs from other companies by paying for them for various seminars and trips.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful, annoyed and resentful towards pharmaceutic companies for operating their business the way they do, which I perceive/define to be abuse of human lives in order to gain and increase profit, instead of realising that by being annoyed and spiteful and resentful towards them, I will not change anything but perpetuate my own energetic experience about the point, within which I make myself superior for knowing that this is happening.
When and as I see myself becoming annoyed or otherwise energetic about the topic of science/pharmacy, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to play out my inner energetic experience, but release it through writingand self-forgiveness, and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop identifying and being emotional about the topic of science/pharmacy/medicine, because I realise and understand that this is not assisting or supporting me or anyone else, but is only perpetuating my inner energetic experience of making myself superior to other people within my knowledge of what is going on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to other people and good about myself, when/as I share my knowledge of science/pharmacy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and bad about myself, whenever I do not have or remember the knowledge that I perceive would be necessary to share within a specific situation/when I perceive that someone needs my advice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud of myself, my knowledge and information, whenever I am sharing it with other people.
When and as I see myself sharing knowledge and information, about which I have energetic movement within myself, I Stop and I breathe. I release the energetic points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop any and all superiority and inferiority that I experience when/as I share knowledge and information with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive pharmacists, doctors and scientists in general as abusers of life, because I perceive that they are all working only in self-interest, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed/frustrated with and resentful towards scientists, doctors and pharmacists, instead of realising that I am feeling inferior to them for being what they are and perceiving them to be superior to me for having finished their schooling and because I perceive that they are defined by society as 'trustwhorthy', while I perceive them not to be trustworthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, whenever I see/perceive someone claiming that scientists are trustworthy, instead of remaining here in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue scientific knowledge in order to make myself appear superior to others and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to be a scientist, because my father respected scientists and I wanted my father's respect and acknowledgement.
When and as express myself within my knowledge about science, I breathe. I check myself and make sure that I am not expressing myself within energetic definitions of myself about the subject, but remain here in breath and direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all in the given situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, whenever I talk to people and repeat the same knowledge and information that I have shared with them before, and perceive that they have not applied it therefore I must repeat it, instead of remaining here in breath and sharing myself without any emotional responses to having to repeat myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become annoyed with people, when/as I perceive that they have not applied knowledge and information that I have shared with them before, instead of remaining here and directing and expressing myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to other people and good about myself for having worked in a laboratory, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brag to others about having worked in a laboratory.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be respected by others and be perceived as respectful for having and sharing specific knowledge and information, instead of realising that I am within this making myself superior to others.
When and as I see myself wanting respect for having and sharing my knowledge and information, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected and not taken seriously, when/as I perceive that people do not want to apply the knowledge and information that I have shared with them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed, when/as I perceive that people want me to repeat the knowledge and information that I have shared before and am perceiving has not been applied by them. 
When and as I see myself having energetic reactions towards sharing knowledge and information with others, I stop and I breathe. I release the energetic points through writing and self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop my energetic experiences about having/sharing knowledge and information.

Day 38: Self-forgiveness on mother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my mother, because I perceive that she doesn't want to be self-honest and self-responsible, instead of realising and understanding that I am trying to get her to fix herself, so she could help me and support me in my life experience in terms of getting a home together/living together again, within which I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get a home with my mother, to live with my mother, instead of realising that within this desire I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility and fearing that I will not be able to take care of myself alone, which means that I am compromising myself.
When and as I see myself wanting my mother or anyone else to help me with my living conditions, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to limit myself within the desire to abdicate my responsibility for my living condition onto my mother or any other person, instead I investigate the point through writing and self-forgiveness, release the points, and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to becoming absolutely self-sustainable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am responsible for my mother, instead of realising that she is responsible for herself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about my mother and be scared that one day she will not return home, instead of realising that this worry is based on a fear of not being taken care of and protected within this world, therefore when and as I see myself worrying about my mother more than other people, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to be/become dependent on the idea of my mother being responsible for me and my well being, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my mother is responsible for me and my well being in this world, instead of realising that only I am responsible for my own well being within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that one is more vulnerable in this world without a mother than with one.
When and as I see myself feeling vulnerable due to not having a mother that would be able to take care of me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to victimize myself and subdue to the feeling of vulnerability, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to writing out any and all points in relation to feeling vulnerable and exposed without the protection of my parents.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mother as a shield from the world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, whenever I perceive that my mother is not supplying the safety and security that I perceive she should be supplying.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from safety within my desire for my mother/my parents/family/siblings to provide me with the safety that I have come to believe should be provided by one's family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that families are the providers of safety, instead of realising that the safety provided within a family is provided by the money within that family, and if the family runs out of money, it also runs out of 'safety', and becomes unsafe and unstable, as has been proven to me by the falling apart of my family.
When and as I see myself wanting safety from my mother/in relation to my mother/parents/family/siblings, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that only I can provide myself with safety, as only I inhabit my physical body, therefore I stop separating myself from safety by investigating the point through writing and self-forgiveness, release the point of separation from safety and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop separating myself from safety and become the living expression and manifestation of safety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my mother should be providing me with safety and security, instead of realising that I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility within doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire for my mother to protect me and shield me from the outside world, instead of realising that I am separating myself from the world within doing so.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a belief wtihin myself of what a good mother is, thus expecting certain types of behaviour from my mother and when I do not get these actions / responses from her I feel disappointed within myself and judge my mother for not being a good enough mother and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that my belief of what a mother should be like was the creator of many moments of feeling disappointed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the world within my desire for my mother to protect and shield me from it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of people, whose mothers I perceive and define to be better than how I had defined mine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my mother to other mothers, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my mother to be a bad mother and be angry with her for it, because I perceived that she didn't behave as caring as other mothers, but was rather focused on pursuing her own happiness with having sex with various men and drinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards my mother, because I perceived her to be giving her love (which I defined as her time and attention as) to other men and not me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger towards my mother, instead of realising that this anger is an automated system that I have built up within my spitefulness towards her, because I perceived that she was never a good mother due to being an alcoholic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/judge my mother for being an alcoholic, instead of realising and understanding that she followed a preprogrammed path and didn't really have a choice in the matter, therefore when and as I see myself having spiteful thoughts towards my mother, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that these thoughts are a consequence of my definitions and perceptions of my mother based in not wanting to understand her due to self-interest. I investigate and release the points/thoughts through writing and self-forgiveness, and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop all spitefulness towards my mother by investigating myself through writing and self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my mother as a bad mother for being an alcoholic, hitting me in her alcoholic fits and having lovers whom I hated, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my mother, because I perceived that she didn't take good care of me due to her pursue of her own personal happiness through drinking alcohol and having sex with men.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hatred towards my mother for having cheated on my father, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for my father for having my mother for a wife.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for never taking good care of me due to being an alcoholic and chasing her own happiness that I perceived did not include me, instead of realising and understanding that I am here, I am still alive, and I have not been physically abused, therefore my mother took adequate care of me for me to grow up and survive in this world up to this day.
When and as I see myself reacting to my mother with anger, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow this reaction to manifest into physical reality, instead I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop reacting to my mother with anger.
When and as I see myself becoming hurt and perceiving that my mother is doing something wrong, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to blame my mother for doing something wrong, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/judge/be angry at my mother for not being financially responsible and spending all our family money on other people, so that they would like her, not seeingrealising and understanding that I allowed myself to create the same pattern within and as myself where I would spend all my 'time' as money on other people hoping that other people will then like me in response.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and eternal grudge towards my mother and hate her, because I perceived that she never took good enough care of me, not seeing realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating the responsibility for me and my own life onto my mother, which is unacceptable.
When and as I see myself wanting to hold a grudge towards my mother, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that there is absolutely no point that I could hold against my mother, as I am self-responsible, therefore I clear my reactions towards my mother with self-forgiveness and direct my own life within absolute self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty towards my mother because of the physical confrontations that we had, where I feel bad about physically hurting her by hitting her, not seeing realising and understanding that feeling bad and guilty is not going to mend any past situation, as the past doesn't exist anymore, and that I must correct this point about me and walk the necessary self-forgiveness in order to stop this pattern of violence within myself as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hit my mother physically in order to get my revenge at her for hitting me and hurting me when I was a helpless child (which I perceived and allowed to exist within myself as a memory for self-manipulation), thus justifying to myself that I was in the right for hitting her, instead of realising and understanding that I was separating myself from her in doing something that I wouldn't want to have done onto myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a hatred towards my mother for physically hitting me when I was a helpless child, not seeing realising and understanding that I had accepted and allowed myself to carry this hatred with me into my adult life, thus through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility by having nurtured and perpetuated hatred towards my mother within myself.
When and as I see myself having a point of hatred towards my mother, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is simply a point of self-manipulation with which I am trying to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility, therefore I release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my mother when I was a child as I now see, realise and understand that she used corporal punishment as a means to instill fear and control within my life and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand I no longer have to accept and allow myself to fear my mother as she can no longer use corporal punishment as a means to control my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag my anger over my mother's past actions such as hitting me and what I perceived as her neglecting me into the present, instead of realising and understanding that I was buying into and feeding a system of emotions towards my mother, which kept me occupied and not focusing on what is here as life.
I commit myself to stop all emotions, feelings and thoughts towards my mother. When and as I see myself thinking and/or reacting to my mother, I stop and I breathe. I investigate and release the point, and direct myself in breath.