Day 175: Witness blog - I have Researched Desteni and it is Not a Scam

My name is Hilda Rac. I am a 32 year old female from Slovenia in Europe. I am a pharmaceutical technician, I studied two years of microbiology, and now I work as a translator. I've worked several jobs as a pharmaceutical technician, none of which had anything to do with helping or saving lives, which is why I got into that scientific field before realising that it has long since stopped being a scientific field and has transformed into a profit-building field at the cost of abusing life.

I've encountered Desteni in 2008, when I was becoming increasingly fed up with the dire situation in the world, and my own seemingly aimless, pointless, directionless life within it. I was at a point, where I was browsing the internet for proof or indication of a catastrophe ending this whole abominable human mess in 2012, because, frankly, I was sick of everything. I felt hopeless and helpless in terms of doing anything about and with my life. I felt like I was simply being carried by the current of life, which I had absolutely no effect or influence on, and all I could do was to not fight it, to not make things even harder for myself before I die.
So I randomly clicked on a Desteni video, and there was this person saying that nothing is going to happen in 2012, and that the situation in this world is going to be worsening, until we, all human beings, realise that we are all equally responsible for the shit that goes on.
The video was a real eye-opener. It was sincere, direct and absolutely commonsensical, so I started investigating the material further. There were several hundred videos and documents to go through, and the more I investigated, watched and read, the more I realised and understood that for the world to change, each and every single individual must change - I must change.

Therefore I started my Process of Change. Reluctantly at first, because let's face it, nobody likes to change. We dread Change, because we feel like we're treading into unfamiliar waters. But the more I changed, the more I realised that I was actually rediscovering waters that I already knew. I was slowly but surely going back to a state of knowing myself and this world, and trusting myself in it. I learned how to remove my fears. I removed many a fear through Process, the most dramatic ones being the fear of insects and fear of dark. I am now able to hold insects in my hands - in the dark. Three years ago a combination of these two would have killed me.

I've become a calmer, more stable person. I went from being a jobless lost soul in the big bad world of survival, dependent on others to sustain me, to being a fully employed breadwinner. I went from hating life, being angry, depressed, wanting to die and end this agony, to actually living Life.
With the support of my Process-Buddies and the whole group, I rendered myself into a functional Human Being, who is ready to take responsibility for the fact that whatever is happening in the world is a direct consequence of every Human Being's thoughts. Therefore I am busy stopping and removing my thoughts that are on a global scale manifesting wars, famine, poverty and all the other abuses that we humans allow by turning our heads and looking away.
I have been investigating the Desteni material and applying the knowledge and tools for about four years now, and I can claim without a shadow of a doubt that Desteni is not a scam, and in fact offers the real, substantial solutions to all the problems Humans have. This is greatly supported by the fact that in 2012 the Desteni group launched a free online course with support of highly skilled people available for anyone and everyone.

Day 174: Releasing the Fear of the Future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future, instead of realising and understanding that this fear of the future is me fearing myself and is based on memories of past experiences, where I fear that the past will repeat itself in the future, not realising and understanding that the future is a mathematical certainty based in my behaviour, therefore I am fearing the future because I am fearing repeating my past behaviour instead of simply changing and adjusting my behaviour towards what is best for all by writing and applying self-forgiveness thus not repeating the fuckups that I have done and participated in in the past.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am the creator of my future.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the past might repeat itself and that past occurrences might happen to me again, instead of realising and understanding that thinking that 'things happen to me' is an abdication of self-responsibility within reacting to my thoughts in given situations, not realising and understanding that within self-direction it is me that makes things happen and I do not allow things to 'happen to me'.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am    powerless to change my future and therefore I have to fear it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the future is pre-determined, instead of realising and understanding that it is me who determines the future with my behaviour and who I am in every moment of every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility with the belief/perception that the future is ruled by a 'karma' and that I have no say or influence on what it is going to be like.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that my fear of the future is me fearing myself, me fearing continuing to behave as I did in the past and thus manifesting the same results as in the past.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate the future with death and my fear of the future with fear of death, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that what the future holds is unknown and that I cannot possibly know what is going to happen in the future, instead of realising and understanding that within this belief I am abdicating my self-responsibility, because I realise and understand that what happens in the future is a mathematical certainty as the outflow of my behaviour, thoughts and actions and application.


When and as I see myself fearing the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am abdicating my self-responsibility for my thoughts, deeds and actions, and am fearing myself and not being able to control and direct myself towards an outcome that is best for me in accordance to what is best for all, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern to which I abdicated my self-responsibility and direct myself in breath with awareness that I am the sole creator of my future and my experience within it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that in order to control and direct my future, I must control and direct other people/my partner, instead of realising and understanding that by wanting to control another, I am abdicating my self-responsibility, because I am looking for a specific outcome and looking to make myself feel a certain way instead of removing from myself the want/need/desire with which I have influenced myself into wanting to control and direct other people/my partner towards a specific outcome.


When and as I see myself wanting to control and direct other people/my partner towards manifesting a specific outcome in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am abdicating my self-responsibility for directing and removing my thoughts, imaginations, desires, wants, needs, projections of my mind, therefore I immediately take responsibility and investigate and remove the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.


I commit myself to stopping wanting/needing/desiring to control and direct other people in my surroundings in order to manifest a certain outcome in the future, because I realise and understand that I do that from a certain fear within my mind, with which I abdicate and avoid my self-responsibility. 

Day 173: Releasing more definitions about food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty, whenever I eat foods that I perceive to be bad for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I hadn't eaten those foods in retrospective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that pizza, sweets, fried food and greasy food are bad for me, and feel guilty and ashamed of myself and dirty, whenever I eat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of eating foods that I perceive/define to be bad for me, because I believe that I will gain weight, instead of simply seeing food as food, and eating it only for as long as I am hungry, and not force myself to finish all of it, when I am not hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to eat everything that I have started eating and that I must finish my meal, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself, whenever I do not finish my meal, instead of simply allowing myself to eat for as long as I am hungry, and putting the rest away for later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating wheat is really bad for me, and that eating wheat is going to cause me to gain weight, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demonize wheat in my mind, and rather eat nothing than wheat, whenever nothing else is available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather eat everything that I have on my plate and finish my meal then having to go through the hassle of putting the food away properly so it doesn't spoil.

When and as I see myself wanting to finish my meal, eat everything I have on my plate, even though I am not hungry anymore, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am acting from a mind dimension, a construct of beliefs that I have about food and eating, because I can feel that my physical body is not hungry anymore, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern, release it with self-forgiveness, and direct myself in breath towards what is best for my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it a shame to not eat everything that I have paid for in a restaurant, and therefore force myself to eat everything that I've got, instead of listening to my physical body and stopping eating when I've had enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate food with money, and think/believe/perceive that I must eat everything I've paid for and may not let the food go to waste, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am throwing money away, whenever I do not finish a meal in a restaurant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not finishing a meal and feel like I am throwing money away, whenever I do not finish the food that I have paid for in a restaurant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must hide from other people, whenever I eat, because I was afraid that they might judge me and ridicule me for eating, because I am fat. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and ridicule fat people, whenever they eat in my belief that food makes people fat and that fat people shouldn't be eating until they are thin. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that fat people do not need to eat and that only thin people need to eat and have the right to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I do not have the right to eat due to being fat, and therefore want to hide from other people, whenever I am eating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee makes me less hungry and makes my metabolism faster, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes instead of eating food, whenever I am hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to diminish my weight by applying crash diets and want to loose the weight that I've been gaining for months in a short time, instead of sorting out my eating habits and testing out what my body needs and feels comfortable with.

Day 172: My Boss

Everyone fears their boss. I've already done some self-forgiveness on this subject, and my communication with my boss improved very much. Here I'm revisiting the point for myself and whomever finds it assisting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my boss as superior to me and someone that holds power over me, because my boss has influence on the money that I receive to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I see/perceive that my boss is scorning me and being angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss's reaction to the quality of work that I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of making a mistake at work due to fearing my boss's reactions to my mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive my boss as an equal human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stiffen and tighten up, whenever I have to speak to my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of saying something wrong to my boss and making him/her angry and dissatisfied with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my boss firing me and loosing my job and livelihood/money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and feel inferior, whenever my boss is criticizing my work, instead of remaining here in breath and now allowing myself to go into emotions and thoughts about what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and have spiteful thoughts about my boss, whenever I see/perceive that he/she is criticizing my work and scorning me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly worry about what to say in front of my boss and how that will make him/her feel, and what kind of consequence that will bring for me, instead of not allowing myself to be worried and just sticking to common sense and breathing and expressing myself in the moment with common sense without the worry.

When and as I see myself being worried about my interaction with my boss and fearing my boss, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that my boss is a physically equal human being that understands common sense and that our communication will be fine, as long as I stick to common sense and never make things personal, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without participating in feelings and emotions.

Day 171: "Being me is sooo hard"

I've spent the day participating in and writing out bad/negative energies. I felt exhausted, and the thought of relaxing with some pot came up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax with pot after I've had a day of negative energies and feel exhausted from them, instead of realising and understanding that I am only wanting pot in order to alleviate those energies and not have to face them and deal with them on my own with writing and self-forgiveness.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the excuse of seeing my backchat better on pot, and using it in order to do process, when all I want is to run away from myself, because I perceive it hard to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax and rest from experiencing bad energies with watching TV or playing games, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am only running away from the responsibility to face myself in every moment of every breath and apply self-forgiveness on all the thoughts and dimensions that come up within my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is hard to be me, because I am fat and define myself as undesirable, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel sorry for myself, feel inferior and perceive my life experience to be hard, thus completely occupying myself with myself in my little mind ego bubble and within that separating myself from all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have a hard life because I am overweight, instead of realising and understanding that this is like a slap in the face of all beings that suffer physically in this world due to all of humanity being caught up in mind constructs like these, where we will make our own lives appear sooo difficult and hard that we cannot be bothered with fixing the world as a whole.

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for myself and perceiving that my life is oh so hard, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with participation in these thoughts deliberately limiting myself to my own ego world and separating myself from all that is here, thus abdicating my self-responsibility in self-honesty and the responsibility to act according to what is best for all. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all in awareness that I am part of a whole and that all my "troubles" are of energetic origin, because physically there is nothing wrong with me.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my perceptions of myself as one that has a hard life, because I realise and understand that this is my mind's construct, within which I will occupy myself and keep myself busy and limited to my own little world in order to not have to take responsibility for all that is here.